Friday, March 31, 2006

The Office PSAs

If you liked the Office PSAs you saw last night, check here for all of them. So far, my personal favorite is Jim's jellybeans one.

I'm Weird

Tagged by March. 6 weird things/habits about myself.

1. I have an intense aversion to detached hair. I freak out if there is a hair on the floor or the sink or something, especially when I don't know whose it is, like in a public restroom.
2. When I eat a sandwich or a popsicle I eat around the outside first and then eat the middle.
3. When I see clutter I get extreme anxiety.
4. I like a lot of different foods, but only in certain combinations. For example, I like rice and cheese, but refuse to eat them together. I will only eat ham with swiss cheese. No other type is acceptable. The thought of drinking water with any kind of breakfast food turns my stomach.
5. I'm pretty much a pushover in my everyday life, but when I drive to and from work I become a monster. I ride people's asses, honk my horn, glare at people, cuss, give people the finger, etc. I will not be surprised if I die in a fiery crash.
6. All blinds in the house must be closed as soon as it's dark enough to see inside.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Yesterday I was paging through Entertainment Weekly and I came across an ad for Depeche Mode's current tour, Touring the Angel. They're playing Atlantic City, NJ on May 20th, and since that's the day after my birthday, it's a sign that I MUST go. There are 2 things I want to do before I die: Go to a DM concert and go to London. So I go to Ticketmaster to see how much tickets are. Reserved riser seats: $125; floor, all standing: $105. WTF!? I think not! Not only do I not have that much money to spend on 2-3 hours of entertainment (not counting gas, parking, hotel room, etc.), I REFUSE to pay that much money to see a band. They're playing at a much cheaper venue in Virginia on the 21st, but that's too far to drive. I'll just hedge my bets that they make another album and come within 2 hours and go to a not ridiculously expensive venue.

Music of the 21st Century

Wow, last night was a hot mess. I didn't recognize about half of those songs. Color me underwhelmed.

Lisa - That sucked. Good-bye.

Kellie - I've never heard that song, but it seems like it should be a fun, light-hearted, exciting song, not a stand in one place and look pissed when you sing it song. She didn't say anything stupid though.

Ace - You're dead to me. Put your ugly scar away. It actually didn't sound as bad when they played it on the radio this morning. I think seeing his obvious nervousness is off-putting. I hate when people point to their eyes when they sing about crying and their heads when they sing about minds, but pointing to a scar when you sing about scars is the worst. Yes, as Rusty pointed out, they're amateurs, but wouldn't the vocal coaches tell them not to freaking do that? And weirdly, his scar repulses me yet wants me want to have him rest his head on my bosom at the same time.

Taylor - I made popcorn during his performance and Rusty sprayed breath spray and went upstairs and asked my boyfriend if he was nude, so we both missed it.

Mandisa - That was bad. Pitchy, if you will. And I didn't hate it only because it was gospel because my favorite performance of Nadia's last year was a gospel song.

Chris - Shut up, Chris. Creed sucks.

Katharine - What in blazes was that outfit? I don't think I've ever seen a worse outfit than that. She sounded ok, but I don't know the song she sang.

Bucky - I still love Bucky. I don't know that song, but I think he was one of the best of the night.

Paris - Yikes! The outfit! The hair! The dancing! I don't want to hear a 17-year-old sing about having sex on the floor because she can't make it to the bedroom.

Elliott - He was really good, but I think he screwed up a bunch of words.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Oh My Lord

Dedication Honors Nude Britney Spears Giving Birth. Chris sent me this link that he posted on his Myspace blog. Apparently the fact that Britney and Kevin procreated is a cause for celebration amongst pro-lifers. I'm sorry, I won't offend all pro-lifers. Apparently it's a cause for celebration amongst crazily insane pro-lifers.

My letter wasn't published in the paper yesterday, but a letter that said, "Git 'er done. Quit smoking." was. Freakin' wonderful. And then to add insult to injury, Chris said, "Maybe your letter wasn't as good as you thought it was." Niiiiiice. Perhaps not, but at least I didn't say "Git 'er done."

I love The Simpsons Archive. I was looking over it a little bit and found
this list of Homer's Mmmm...(blank) quotes. It has my favorite: "Mmmmm...Unexplained bacon."

Speaking of The Simpsons, last night's episode was the funniest in 4 or 5 years. I loved the dye/Di/die song. Ricky Gervais is a genius!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

You Win Some, You Lose Some

Yesterday I watched 2 movies: Rent and Failure to Launch. I had seen the stage production of Rent with Constantine Maroulis (sorry, but I have to mention that every time I mention that I saw Rent) about 3 years ago. I liked it well enough, but I was a little confused (mostly because the sound quality wasn't too good at the theater and I couldn't hear the lyrics well) and it's hard for me to sit still in an uncomfortable theater seat for 2 hours and 40 minutes. I thought the movie was really good though. I can understand how Rentheads wouldn't like it, but it was fine for a casual viewer like me, someone who didn't notice and doesn't care that a song or two was cut out. The only quibble I had with the movie was that there was a scene with Roger on a cliff in the desert of Santa Fe complete with panning, rotating cameras which was tres cheesy. But other than that, I like the music, and I loved almost everyone's voice. It also cleared up some things that I didn't understand from the play. Very well done.

Failure to Launch could have very well been called Failure to Not Suck Massive Ass. My mom recommended this movie to me, and I'm beginning to think she hates me. I despise romantic comedies; I find them neither romantic nor comedic. I also hate when "realistic" movies have random absurd moments. This movie had people getting bitten by a dolphin, a mockingbird, a lizard, and a chipmunk. I apologize if I left out some other random animal that bit someone. On the spectrum of types of humor, slapstick is on the complete opposite end from what I like.

Plus, Sarah Jessica Parker annoys me, mainly because she thinks she's 2 decades younger than she is. There's nothing wrong with being 41! Incidently, she just turned 41 yesterday. I hope she's happy that I spent her birthday watching her POS movie! I was so livid that I spent $8 to see this movie, although I think my anger was PMS-related since I almost cried yesterday during Rent when Angel died and for whatever reason I felt sad when my cashier at the grocery store who had laryngitis told me she only had 1 hour left to work. I got home last night right before Sex and the City came on Fox, so I thought I'd watch in hopes that it was one of the early ones before Carrie became a selfish raging bitch. Of course it had to the one where Carrie's computer breaks and Aidan buys her a new one and she yells at him, which also happens to be the one where Miranda's mom died. I cried, but I think it was as much for my lost $8 as it was for Miranda's mom.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Oh, Paula

This was Paula's response when asked if she's ever tempted to rip into contestants:

"It's not my role. Why should I, when the guys to the right and left of me [Simon Cowell] will crush them? And that's on top of the fact that I have a vagina. Though I do check between my legs to see if something else is sprouting down there.”



"We're the Mario Brothers and plumbing's our game/We're not like the others who get all the fame."

Every now and then I start talking about something that I remember from my childhood, and people look at me like I'm crazy which makes me think that I was insane as a child and made things up. One of the things was The Super Mario Brothers Super Show. No one I've ever talked to (except possibly Rusty) remembers this show. I was looking something up on Wikipedia trying to prove Chris wrong about something (Rusty knows this is a common occurrence in our house, and believe it or not, I was actually wrong for once, although it was only about whether the guy from Super Smash Brothers Melee's name was Mr. Game and Match or Mr. Game and Watch, so it wasn't anything important, of course.) and I followed some links and ended up on the page for this show. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that not only did it exist, and not only is it being released on DVD, but it is being released next Tuesday, and Netflix has it! How weird is it that it's being released 5 days after I think about it and look it up? Cue the Twilight Zone music.

People in the York area need to diligently check their newspapers for my letter, probably on Sunday. There was a column in the Viewpoints section last Sunday about the Red State Oscars. It was written by that author who wrote Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed!. Now, I don't have a problem with someone having a different opinion than I do, but the amount of misinformation and propaganda in this column pissed me off. For example, this woman bitched that the song "Ring of Fire" was snubbed for an Oscar, but the Oscar is for best original song. She also bitched that the things that won had no family values and that Joaquin Phoenix is family-friendly and should have won, and I had to point out that
Mr. Phoenix was in rehab last April and that I wasn't aware that alcoholism was a better family value than homosexuality. She also lambasted homosexuals, which I hate (the lambasting, not the homosexuals). I don't have a problem with not agreeing with their lifestyle, but to hate a person for being gay is unacceptable. It's that whole hate the sin, not the sinner thing.

I would be more than happy to post my letter, but I can't find a copy of the column online, and it won't make much sense out of context. I think they might actually publish it though, because I got an e-mail on Tuesday asking me to call to confirm my letter for publication. I don't know if they just do that for everyone or not, but we'll find out. I told my parents about it and my dad asked if I signed my real name. I guess he knows about my tendency to be opinionated/bitchy/out-spoken/a bleeding-heart liberal/angry and is worried that I might tarnish our family name or something. Granted, he does have a bunch of extremely conservative friends, and he did teach high school for 37 years, so a lot of people know him, and we do have a rare last name, but still. I never make an ass out of myself! *Waits for people to finish rolling eyes* He should be glad I had to cut it from 600 to 300 words! I had much more to say than I did. I'm a little worried about any responses I might get, not from people who disagree with me, but from intelligent people who might find as many inaccuracies in my letter as I found in hers, although I did massive amounts of research since I wanted to make sure if I wrote something, I had it right. Also, if someone busts on me, I can't respond since you're only allowed to write 1 letter a month. If I don't blog after Sunday, you know it's because my letter was published and an angry mob broke my door down with a battering ram and forced me to die a slow, torturous death by making me watch Fox News.

Thursday, March 23, 2006


Funniest moment of watching AI last night: Rusty and I are talking and Rusty's dad says in a perfect sarcastic tone, "Please! I'm trying to watch."

Second funniest moment of watching AI last night: The clip they chose for the recap of Ace.

A sign that I'm getting old: Upon hearing
Chris Brown sing, "Don't believe my age is gonna slow us down/I can definitely show you things that's gon' have you sayin' I can't be 16," I think, "Where are that kid's parents?!" Then I realize I'm almost, but not quite, old enough to be the mother of a kid who has a hit song about sex.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Praise Jebus!

I no longer have to have Kevin Covais rape my ears every Tuesday!

My New Calling

Yesterday while I was home sick I watched a marathon of Animal Cops, or whatever that show is called. It made me so depressed and I totally want to be a doggie foster parent. What can be more rewarding than taking in a dog that was abandoned and taking care of him till he's well enough to be adopted? Knowing me, I'd get too attached to all of them and end up keeping them all and then my house would reek. Well, actually, knowing me, the reeking part wouldn't happen because I clean obsessively, but the keeping part would. I've never had a dog because my parents thought they were messy and that I wouldn't take the time to walk it and take it out to pee. As an adult I've never lived anywhere where you're allowed to have pets, but as soon as I do, I'm getting a beagle. Chris says we're not getting one, but he's sorely mistaken. I leave you with pictures that make me, an even-keeled, non-excitable person, want to go eeeeeee!!! and hug my computer screen.

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

Images hosted by Photobucket because Blogger is still sucking.

50s Week

I hate 50s music. Constantine, take your ass chin and go away. Is it now obligatory that he eye fuck the camera every season? Ryan Cabrera was even like, "I'm not with this douchebag."

Mandisa - She sounded and looked great, but I don't like the song she sang.

Bucky - I loathe "Oh Boy." He was pretty meh, but cute as a button. Rusty and I are waiting for him to drop his mic since he's always throwing it.

Paris - I liked her performance, but I still don't like her.

Chris - I don't know how I feel about early 90s-ifying Johnny Cash. The man in black should be one of those performers you don't bastardize unless you're using "Ring of Fire" in an ad for Preparation H. I was interested to see Chris in a non-pimp spot, but he got the strobe lights of pimpage. He did a good job of making that song not sound like Johnny at all, but I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

Katharine - I like her voice and she's a beautiful girl, but I don't really like her. I think it's because she reminds me of Katie Holmes, and that's not fair, but oh well.

Taylor - God, I hate this guy. His pants were ill-fitting, he actually skipped around the stage, and, as I told Rusty, with that suit he looked like a drunken lawyer from the south in the 50s. Think A Time to Kill.

Lisa - She's good but she's so boring. Her performance reminded me of something you'd see in a 50s revue at Hersheypark.

Kevin - We need to put this kid out of his misery. He's horrible! I like the version of "When I Fall in Love" that's on the Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack. Yes, the one that features Celine Dion. I did not like this version.

Elliott - Bwah! moment of the night, "I wasn't too fond of Barry's music." Elliott sounded good, but the song he sang was boring.

Kellie - How have I heard of a song that Barry Manilow hasn't heard of? Kellie needs to shut the fuck up. She was all right, but I'm not familiar with the works of Patsy Cline.

Ace - What the hell was his hair? He looked like Elaine in the episode where Kramer stops his strike and goes back to work at the bagel store and the equipment breaks and the room fills with steam and it makes Elaine's hair flat and wet and the guy who had her fake number sees her looking like crap and then gives her a fake number. I told Rusty I don't like "In the Still of the Night," but I was thinking of "Stand By Me." I get them mixed up. "ITSOTN" is ok, but Ace is hardly the first person to do an "urbanized jazzy version" of it since Boyz II Men did it already. He sounded and looked good (besides the hair). He has let me down and there's only one way he can make it up to me. I mean by singing well next week! Get your minds out of the gutter!

Tonight: Barry sings. Woo hoo.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

On Being Sick and the 80s.

I'm home sick today. Wonderful. Last night I didn't go to Rita's. My parents took us out to dinner, and by the time we were done eating I was so chilled that I just wanted to get home and take a bath. I used up all the hot water.

I love Pop Culture Junk Mail, which is written by one of the entertainment editors at MSNBC. Pretty much every time she updates I find something that I want to post here, but then my blog would basically be hers, but less well-written. I couldn't resist posting this though: I Was So Eighties. It makes me sad/glad that I wasn't old enough to tease my hair, but on some crucifies and fishnets, and go to a Duran Duran concert. Under the list of the people who were rated the most 80s, check out stuporfly. You can hover on the picture to read comments about specific parts, and I love his! Some of them also provided pictures of themselves now.

*Update: Ricky Gervais will be on The Simpsons this Sunday! Hilarity will ensue.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Spring Has Sprung!

*Happy Spring, everyone! Don't forget to go to Rita's for your free ice today. I'm glad spring is here, but I feel like ass. I have the chills/burning eyes/painful throat/muscle aches of an impending cold. Those are more like flu symptoms, but I've never had the flu, and I'm not about to start now. This is extremely rare for me to be sick within a month of when I was sick before, but after that, I can handle any infirmary.

*Use your imagination to picture hyacinths here. Blogger's image upload function is being wonky for me. Is anyone else having problems?

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Random Thoughts

In this post I discuss turtles, St. Patrick's Day, nasty food, Chuck Norris, fat women in bikinis, and creation by spaghetti.

I saw the cutest commercial last night! I think it's for cable internet, and it stars
The Slowskys, a turtle couple who are totally adorable!

Thank god St. Patrick's Day is over. The garage where I park at work is right in the heart of restaurant row, and there was so much drunken asshattery going on when I left work. I understand that it was St. Patrick's Day, but I think it's a little pathetic to be blitzed at 4 P.M. once you're past 20. There were 4 of us working stiffs in the elevator, complete with work bags and all the accoutrements that go along with, you know, actually working. Just as the door
closed, these drunken asshats pushed the button, and 4 of them squeezed into the already crowded elevator. The smell was really pleasant. One of them proceeded to announce that two of the other ones had just gotten engaged. I muttered "congratulations." Then she told us he proposed at the bar. I think my sarcastic, "That's romantic," was lost on them.

St. Patty's Day usually just turns out to be a pain in the ass because of the crowds. Even when I was at the other office, we were close to an Irish pub. I don't have anything against Irish culture, I'm just not interested in it. I don't have any desire to go there, I don't particularly like the music, I think Guinness is nasty, and the food seems vomitous to me. Although, to be fair, I think the vomitousness is a UK thing, not just Irish.

Chris and I watched an episode of
Walker, Texas Ranger the other night. To be more specific, it was Episode 304: Mustangs. The synopsis totally lies, because Walker was not critically wounded at any point in the episode. I must now kill myself for doing that much research. But first, I have to let you all in on a little secret. Rusty is madly in love with Chuck Norris and wants to marry him and have a million of his roundhouse-kicking little babies. If you haven't seen this site, look at it, as it's freaking hilarious. My personal favorite is, "When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closed for Chuck Norris."

Anyway, about the show. I have never seen any show with worse editing than this one. At one point Chuck Norris and some guy were in the back of a moving truck, fighting. The truck was in an open meadow. When Chuck and the guy fell off, they landed in the woods. In one scene Chuck was driving and I pointed out to Chris that he was being passed by a million cars. When Chris told me that it's because Chuck Norris obeys the speed limit I had to remind him that the speed limit obeys Chuck Norris. Since this show is an hour long, they had to have a lot of filler. They showed horses in a stream for like, 5 minutes for no reason.

Some guy shot at Chuck and of course, it hit him in the badge and he was ok. In another scene, Chuck is trying to tame this wild mustang that kept throwing him off (and in the spirit of making the show drag, this happened about 30 times). Finally, child Chuck talks to some random Indian guy who gives him wisdom, and then adult Chuck is magically able to tame the wild beast. The only problem is that the original wild beast was twice the height of Chuck, and the one he tames is shorter than he is. How this show lasted more than 1 season is beyond me.

I saw a promo for a Dateline-like show where they have a bunch of fat women who have to lose weight by a deadline or else they have to go on national television wearing bikinis that are too small for them. That's cruel, but I guess that's pretty damn good motivation.

Living in a red county in a blue state can be interesting. The "Living" section of our Saturday paper is always about religion. 99.9% of the time it's about Christianity (always positive, of course) with some Judaism thrown in for good measure at Rosh Hashana, and the occasional article about Islam to show that us cuntry folks are open to all religions. In fact, we work with one of them there towelheads. Speaking of, one of the most frustrating conversations I ever had was when I tried to explain to some guy I worked with that Christians, Jews, and Muslims all worship the same god, and that Christianity is the youngest of those 3 religions. Anyway, imagine my surprise and pleasure when the front page of the "Living" section had an article about The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. This was created as a response to the growing trend of trying to bring religion to public schools. The greatest part is that one of the creators is a Christian and the other refuses to divulge.

I've finally come to the point where I can be confident in my decision to be an Agnostic. I used to feel that Agnostics were wishy washy fence-sitters. Now, my belief is that I don't know if god exists, but not only do I not know, no one can possibly know. The only difference between myself and a believer is faith. I don't have faith in things that haven't been proven, or at least almost proven. Even if I did believe in god, I wouldn't be a Christian for several reasons, which is probably left discussed in a separate post, if ever. I was raised in the Methodist church and I wrote to them asking to be taken off their membership roster in 2001. 20 years of church taught me a thing or two. Probably not what they wanted me to have been taught, but I think for myself.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

The Grassy Knoll

*Don't waste your time reading this if you don't care about AI. Dim, that includes you, but Not Dim can read it.*

If you get me going about conspiracies on American Idol, I sound like I would be someone who puts tinfoil over the windows of my house and wears a pot on my head so the government can't steal my thoughts. In 20 years, when the contestants are allowed to talk freely and not afraid of the ramifications, I will take a break from standing on a street corner with my "The end is nigh!" sign, sit with my 30 cats amongst my piles of decades-old newspapers, and watch it, screaming at the top of my lungs, "I KNEW IT!" I have no insider information, I just watch every episode and read a message board that is populated with intelligent, cynical people. Some of these intelligent, cynical people are able to go to tapings of the show and get some behind the scenes info. I also read most articles I come across, especially if they're of the "behind the scenes" nature. When I say this show is like crack, I mean it. I hate it, I know that it does bad things, I know that it's cheese personified, but I need it. I'm definitely not as obsessed as some since the only time I talk about it is on here, with Rusty, and sometimes with my mom, who watches casually. I don't talk about it with random people, or even with people at work, except for one person. So please don't stage my intervention...yet.

Now, on to the point of this post. As you may have seen last night, my AI boyfriend of this season, Ace, was in the bottom 3 last night. I call shenanigans. I think the show works like this: The producers look at the vote totals: if they like them, they use them; if not, they do whatever the hell they please (or what the contestants have asked them to do, as we'll discuss later). Would they have put Ace in the bottom 3 if he had had a phenomenal performance on Tuesday night? No, but I truly believe that when one of the favorites is put in the bottom 3 prematurely, it's because they want that person to go far and they want to scare the fans a bit (see Bice, Bo). Let me start from the beginning, or at least the beginning I care about since I didn't give a rat's ass about Seasons 1 or 2, but I will say that I think Season 1 was legitimate for several reasons that I won't bother discussing, and in Season 2 Clay did beat Ruben.

Season 3 was the year of the "diva." It was obvious from the beginning that The Powers That Be wanted Fantasia to win, and she received tongue baths from the judges every week. She was in the bottom 3 once towards the end to scare the fans. Jasmine Trias and Diana DeGarmo, who finished third and second respectively, where there because they were never any threat whatsoever to Fantasia (Plus the fact that Diana's mic pack failed during the final 2 performance show. It had also failed during the dress rehearsal, but they didn't fix it. The things that make you go hmmm...). I still haven't figured out why they wanted an illiterate single mother as the American Idol (speaking for TPTB, not for myself), but I guess they felt Jennifer Hudson was too fat (Elton John had a shit fit when she was voted off) and LaToya London was too boring (which I find ridiculous because I liked her, and when Quentin Tarantino was a guest judge they had to re-tape the judging since he yelled that she was "fucking incredible."). John Stevens was "voted off" when he and his parents asked to withdraw because they were receiving death threats after he outlasted Jennifer Hudson. While this isn't a conspiracy, it's interesting to note that Jon Peter Lewis, who had a pretty strong fanbase, was voted off on the week of Bush's state of the union address, which pushed the show from Tuesday-Wednesday to Wednesday-Thursday. This lost all the votes of the casual fans who watch because that's what happens to be on TV at the moment. I won't go as far to suggest that TPTB made the state of the union address be on that night (not even I can go that far), but I truly believe that the schedule change is the reason he was voted off that week, and it adds fuel to my hatred for George Bush.

Season 4 was rife with controversy, and the producers didn't even try to hide their machinations. It began with Mario Vasquez, who I thought was The Chosen One, leaving. Realizing quickly that he was the red herring, I set my sights on Bo and Carrie. This year was the year of the honkey, as evidenced by the small showing of black people (4 out of 12). We can't have another divas debacle. Carrie was never in the bottom 3 despite many lackluster performances (she sang "McArthur Park," for God's sake). Bo had his bottom 3 "scare," which we at TWoP call the Bo-tervention, but his response to that was that he didn't care and that he only auditioned on a dare. Monkey wrench! TPTB can't have someone difficult as The Chosen One (which is why Clay didn't win--he was the first contestant to insist on having his own attorney at the contract signing), and who could be less difficult than Carrie? It's no coincidence that Constantine was "voted out" the week his band signed a distribution deal for their album. Scott was kept on the show because he was good TV, plain and simple. People tuned in to watch his smug attitude and to see if this was the week of das boot. Vonzell was in the top 3 because she was no challenge whatsoever to Carrie and Bo.

Which brings us to Season 5. I call Kevin as this year's John Stevens, but I don't think he'll last as long. I was off the Ace as chosen one train and on the Chris train, but after last night's bottom 3 machinations, I have one foot in each and reserve my judgment until I see how the judges treat Ace in following weeks, and if Ace steps up his lackluster performances. Melissa went home last night because Simon praised her performance, causing her fans to become complacent. He knew exactly what he was doing. Mandisa is this year's Jennifer/LaToya. Elliott has a strong fan base, but I don't know if his looks can upset the Ace/Chris duo of hotness. Chris may be TCO since he has been the last performer (the major pimp slot) twice so far. He also had all the smoke and lights Tuesday night. I've heard rumors of a Chris/Kellie final 2, which makes me think TPTB felt that they got it wrong last year. I believe that this is the year of the white male (there are no black males left in the competition).

I know I sound insane, but stuff like this makes the show interesting for me. It's a game figuratively and literally (on TWoP--I was in 1st place going into this week.)

PS: On each of the American Idol CD covers, the winner and runner-up are on the top left hand corner, except for season 3, which has Diana and Jasmine. Keep in mind that the CD comes out in April; the winner is chosen in May.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Don't You Hate It When...

...the book you're reading turns out to be gay incest pornography? I wrote earlier that I was plodding through The Chimney Sweeper's Boy by Barbara Vine, the pseudonym of the author Ruth Rendall. This book was touted as a psychological thriller and a mystery. It was neither. Patricia Cornwell, who wrote a good Jack the Ripper book that I own, said that Ms. Vine is "unequivocally the most brilliant mystery novelist of our times." I just couldn't get into it. I saw the ending coming from a mile away. Most people on Amazon seemed to enjoy this book, but I thought the plot dragged and I really didn't care about any of the characters; in fact, I found them to be loathsome. I only finished it out of my own stubbornness. Don't waste your time.


I had something to write about that didn't pertain to American Idol, but now I forget what it was.

The Good - Mandisa, Bucky (I was nervous about him.), Paris, Chris

The Bad - Ace (Why do you do me this way? I talk about how great you are and then you go and embarrass me. You're still hot though.), Kevin (That ranks down there with John Stevens's "Crocodile Rock" as one of the worst. performances. ever.)

The Meh - Kellie, Elliot, Melissa (BWAH! Stevie: Don't hug me, just sing the song right), Lisa, Katharine

The I don't know because I used his performance to go upstairs and wash my face: Taylor

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Can You Handle It?

I posted earlier about the X-Treme White bread at my grocery store. I was able to show it to Chris in person, but you all will have to cope with just pictures. *Caution* These pictures may cause vertigo and/or heart palpatations. Please do not view if you are pregnant, nursing, have a heart condition, high blood pressure, or an affliction of the central nervous system.

I'm a really bad photographer, so you can't make out the writing, but you can see from the graph how much more awesome X-Treme White (in pink) is than whole wheat (in blue). This bread is ageist too. "Soft, wholesome nutrition - that's what kids get when they eat X-treme White bread!" That's so not fair! I want soft, wholesome nutrition too!

Here's the bottom of the bag. Notice how I got an X-TREME 10% DISCOUNT!!!!!!!!!!! Also notice how this bread is "new." I'm not quite clear how something can be "new."

Time to open the bag. Are you ready? Here goes!


Not even the mustard could handle it.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

New Pic

I took pics of myself tonight. I hate pics of myself. I look depressed (I prefer artsy), but I'm not; I just don't like the way I look when I smile.

I Caved

I subscribed to myspace to see Jenna Fischer's pictures, but I never did my profile. One of my old friends came over the other night, and she's on it, so she inspired me to update mine. Here it is. So, if you are on myspace, add me as a friend because I'm a loser and I only have 3 friends. One of them is Jenna though, so that's cool.

As people who know me attest, I can be pretty dense sometime. Here's a conversation I had last night with my friend:

Anne: Have you seen that movie Last Days? It's about Kurt Cobain.
Jenny G: Is it about how Courtney Love had someone kill him?
A: No, it's not about conspiracy theories. It's about his life right before he died.
J: So it's about his last days.
A: Yeah, that's why it's called Last Days.
J: Ohhhh...

Friday, March 10, 2006

A Letter to American Idol

Dear American Idol:

Have you not learned anything from past seasons? Do you not realize that halfway through the competition, when Kevin Covais is butchering songs by various artists, he and his family will receive numerous threats like John Stevens did? He, like Mr. Stevens, will not be voted off, but will eventually ask to leave in order to protect his life. Even though neither Kevin nor Will have a snowball's chance in hell of winning the competition, don't you think a cute boy with a pleasant voice could beat out a totally unattractive kid whose voice is mediocre at best?

I appreciate that you were trying to be sneaky by getting rid of Ayla (thus screwing up my standing in the TWoP AI Prediction game), but you actually did her a big favor. The potential for success is much higher for a person who goes to Boston College than someone who competes on American Idol. Just ask anyone who isn't Clay or Kelly.

What have you done to Bo Bice? I will buy his album when he's out of your evil clutches and can make cool music.

I wonder if you can possibly clear something up for me. Week after week, the judges lambast the contestants for the inevitable singing of a Stevie Wonder song, yet you make that the theme for next week. Where is the logic in that? And could you be a little less obvious about whom you are trying to eliminate? I can think of only one contestant who doesn't even have one iota of soul in his body, and he happens to be one of my favorites, so thank you, show.

Yours always (or for 10 more years, supposedly),
Jenny G

P.S. If anyone sings "I Just Called to Say I Love You" I will throw my TV out the window.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

The Boys

Kevin Covais - That was pretty bad. I won't be surprised if he goes home.

Bucky Covington - Hee! Rocky! I've never heard that song before, but I think he sounded better this week that he has before.

Chris Daughtry - I like him, but I'm not a fan of the generic late 90s/early 00s songs that he sings. I'm of the opinion that no good music was made between the time Kurt Cobain died and last year. I'd love to see him do some classic rock. I think he'll go far; he definitely has the voice and the looks to be a front man in a Fuel-like band.

Taylor Hicks - I used to like him, but now he annoys the hell out of me. And "Taking It to the Streets" is one of my least favorite songs. Didn't the Doobies do it before Michael McDonald?

William Makar - I love this kid, but he was so boring last night! The problem with having kids in the competition is that it's creepy if they sing a more sensual song, so they end up getting stuck with vapid songs like "How Sweet It Is."

Gedeon McKinney - I love his voice, but I hate the way he looks when he sings and I still think he sounds like Coming to America. I won't say anything about the painting because I'm feeling nice right now.

Elliot Yamin - I think he's awesome. Not really Idol material, but he has a great voice and he seems like someone I would have been friends with in high school.

Ace Young - My token gay friend (no hate mail; I say that with love) claims that Ace pings his gaydar, and apparently he has a beard named Essence. And this, mentioned in the TWoP recap? Hilarious! "Butterflies" is probably in the bottom 5 of all Michael Jackson songs. He sounded good, but "Butterflies" is another song that I would hurl myself out of a window to get off the radio. I noticed he wore his beanie...probably didn't feel like being molested by Ryan again.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Girls

Paris Bennett - Is jeans under dresses what the kiddos are wearing today? If so, why? And "Conga?" Really? Does anyone other than Gloria Estefan actually like that song?

Ayla Brown - *shallow* I think she's fug. What the hell were her pants last night? *shallow* The song she sang is one of the songs that I would throw myself through a window to turn off of the radio. Ewww, Randy agreed with me! He said that wasn't a singer song, which is something I said when Patrick Hall sang Melissa Ethridge.

Mandisa Hundley - Girl can SANG! She rocks in all ways. I cringe at how anyone else in this competition would have handled "I'm Every Woman."

Melissa McGhee - She's no Ann Wilson, but she was pretty decent. I'm biased about Heart since I love them. Girl needs to deskankify, stat! She's going home on Thursday.

Katharine McPhee - I love her voice, and I think the reason I don't like her is that she reminds me of Katie Holmes. Ryan seriously needs to lay off the pedophilia jokes. Way not to be obvious with interviewing Katharine before Kinnik performs, The Powers That Be. Who do you want to go home again?

Kellie Pickler - I usually take gossip, especially gossip about Idol contestants from friends, with a grain of salt, but
this tidbit from is interesting. Last night my comment about her was that it was competent. Apparently that's enough for the judges, but not for me. I'm so tired of her "Golly gee!" routine too. It's not cute or charming or funny. Good on Simon for pointing out that she's Carrie version 2.0, but it's his own fault that she's in the competition to being with.

Kinnik Sky - If I can tell you're sharp, then you must have been really bad. I like Alicia Keys well enough, but I hate that song. She's gone.

Lisa Tucker - Apparently she can play Hendrix (or at least a very slow version of the riff from "Purple Haze"). If she would sing Hendrix on the show I'd vote for her. I'd love to see someone do "Hey Joe." She was boring, and the fact that I wrote more about Hendrix than her in this recap doesn't bode well for her.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Apprentice and More W Bashing.

*Disclaimer: I'm in a really bad mood.

I swore I wouldn't watch "The Apprentice," but you see how long that lasted. What the hell kind of reward is going to a non-profit to size unemployed men for business suits? I'm all for that sort of thing (and it was actually sort of touching), but that's totally not what "The Apprentice" is about. There's supposed to be some yooge reward like diamonds or something. I can't believe this show is on season 5 already. Hasn't it only been on for like, 2 years? Donald Trump isn't even a person; he's such a caricature.

I officially hate the American Red Cross. Chris has given blood before, and they have been calling us pretty much every night lately. I don't answer our phone because we get so many calls from charities, but almost every night we get a call that goes something like, "Hello, this is the Red Cross. Hello?? Are you there?" It's like they know we screen. One night I actually did answer the phone because I was upstairs and wouldn't have been able to hear the machine, and when I said Chris was unavailable the guy was like, "Tell him it's the Red Cross. He'll know what it's about." I'm starting to wonder about what shady dealings Chris has with them. I'm thinking of writing a letter, but I doubt it will make a difference. It really pisses me off that I don't want to answer the phone that I pay for because of that, and since it's a charity they're exempt from Do Not Call. It's almost like harassment. Seriously, that sort of shit makes me not want to donate anything ever.

I watched a little bit of a new show on ABC called "Miracle Workers" last night. There was a guy on it who became blind when he was about 12 because they gave him penicillin and he was severely allergic to it. They were able to restore his sight using stem cells. This pissed me the hell off because here we have this wonderful medical resource and Curious George is trying to block its use. I'm sure there's some conservative religious reason for not wanting to use stem cells that I will never understand, but I'm getting really tired of how much Bush is pushing his (and his father's) personal agendas. Sure, everyone is biased, but elected officials are supposed to represent the people who elected them, not themselves (which brings that argument that Bush was never really elected in 2000 in the first place, but we won't go there). I know there are people who read this who like Bush and voted for him, but I'd like someone to tell me one good thing he has done in his 6 years as president. The only thing I can this of it making Daylight Savings Time longer, but that doesn't count because who fucking cares? I really don't like the way our country is headed, and I have a bad feeling about things.

The Joy of Living in a George W-Run Society.

Penguin Book Moved from Children's Section

It was based on a true story, for god's sake!

Monday, March 06, 2006

The Oscars

Apparently my blogger buddies who stay up later than I do had some of the same thoughts that I did. I wanted to tell Rusty that Luke Wilson did indeed look bloated and that Owen Wilson's voice is annoying as hell. I agree with Dim that there were way too many montages. I thought Jon Stewart was funny, although he seemed a little nervous. This year was unusual for me in that I've seen a bunch of the movies that were nominated for different things (Walk the Line, Crash, March of the Penguins, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe). I haven't seen any of the other best picture nominees, but I thought Crash was good but sort of hokey. Not really Oscar material in my opinion.

I wanted Amy Adams to win Best Supporting Actress to send some publicity to The Office. And yes, Dim, she did look hot last night. George Clooney must have come a long way from the Doug Ross head down/eyes up pose. I didn't stay up for the announcement of the Best Picture category, but I heard it on the radio, and Jack Nicholson sounded tore up from the floor up. "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" was definitely an interesting choice for winner, although the competition wasn't that difficult. Those guys didn't really know how to handle themselves at a more sophisticated awards show.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Ahh, Friday

I am very ready for the weekend. It has been one of those weeks.

Reason #3,586 why I am a loser: I went out yesterday morning to buy a new VCR because mine had 1 1/2 feet in the grave and I haven't missed an episode of American Idol since I started watching. Then I called my mom on my way home from work to make sure none of my boys went home. Any of you can feel free to organize an intervention for me. I'm very happy about who was kicked off last night, and I totally called it. Massive hee! at Bucky trying to do choreography and his exchange with Ryan. I felt sort of embarrassed for everyone during that group sing. I got home at 9:00 and was able to watch the whole taped episode by 9:20. Even on fast forward I could tell Paula was drunk out of her mind.

I was reading Teen People last night (shut up, it gets REALLY boring at the front desk at night), and I am now convinced that there is this big conspiracy theory to make me feel old, since my quarter of a century is coming up in May. They had an article about bands from before you were born, and a bunch of them were from the late 70s (which is technically before I was born, but not much) and the early 80s.

Oh, how I missed The Office! If it were possible to marry a TV show, I would. The football thing had me cracking up, Dwight as Mussolini, What's the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman? A vagina? No, boobs.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The Boys

Yay! Bob Ice was in the audience and so was Ace's brother. I think the best moment of the night for me was when I switched over to NBC during commercials and saw a commercial for ER where someone was holding a gun to John Carter. But if he's going to be killed you know it has to be by an errant helicopter. Anyway, on to the relevant stuff:

Kevin Covais - Cute as hell intro, meh song.

Bucky Covington - LURVE! Bucky can do no wrong in my eyes. There are exactly 4 country songs that I like (5 if you count The Devil Went Down to Georgia) and one of them is Thunder Rolls. He wasn't that great, but he's such a cute little dirty redneck with a 1998 webpage and an identical twin brother.

Chris Daughtry - He was really good tonight. I like him, but I should like him more than I do. He has good song choices.

Taylor Hicks - I'm just not feeling him anymore.

William Makar - Excellent voice and so cute! I would have preferred Styx's Lady to Kenny Rogers's, but oh well. I think he made the comment about being 10 when the first season was on to remind me that he is jailbait and to make me feel old. I'm a little perplexed as to why Ryan was trying to undress him on stage.

Gedeon McKinney - He sounded good when he sang but he talks like Eddie Murphy in Coming to America.

"Sway" Penala - Same as last week: just no.

David Radford - I don't like you and I can't wait till your smug ass is off my television. Total burn by Rickey Miner.

Elliot Yamin - He was good tonight.

Ace Young - I actually didn't think he sounded that great tonight, but come on; does it really matter? I could listen to him wax philosophical about his beanie all night and be happy. Ryan was being really touchy tonight, but I can't say I blame him.

Good-bye Sway and David!

Girls' Night to Suck

If I showed up to work drunk like Paula was last night, I'd be fired. Just sayin'... This week's theme is...Dreck!

Paris Bennett - Wind Beneath My Wings?! What is this, 1992? Well, maybe it is since last week they told Chris he was being current by singing "Dead or Alive." If you're going to do a song from Beaches, do Otto Titsling.

Ayla Brown - I loathe Celine Dion, and I actually thought Ayla sounded better than she does. I still don't like her though.

Heather Cox - Oh, honey. Don't embarrass yourself by trying to sing Mariah. And I don't even really like Mariah.*

Brenna Gethers - Ouch. Buh-bye!

Mandisa Hundley - Awesome, although I hate Faith Hill.

Melissa McGhee - Meh.

Katharine McPhee - I couldn't hear her since there was stuff going on in the other room.

Kellie Pickler - I like calamari and spinach salad, bitch. I find it really hard to believe you've never seen a dog wearing clothes. You suck; go away.

Kinnik Sky - I didn't see her, but Gretchen Wilson? At least she didn't do Redneck Woman.

Lisa Tucker - It doesn't look good on you that I think a 5-year-old Michael Jackson sings Who's Loving You with more emotion than you did.

*Here is proof that Mariah Carey in on crack, as if anyone needed any. Not 100% work safe.