Wednesday, March 22, 2006

50s Week

I hate 50s music. Constantine, take your ass chin and go away. Is it now obligatory that he eye fuck the camera every season? Ryan Cabrera was even like, "I'm not with this douchebag."

Mandisa - She sounded and looked great, but I don't like the song she sang.

Bucky - I loathe "Oh Boy." He was pretty meh, but cute as a button. Rusty and I are waiting for him to drop his mic since he's always throwing it.

Paris - I liked her performance, but I still don't like her.

Chris - I don't know how I feel about early 90s-ifying Johnny Cash. The man in black should be one of those performers you don't bastardize unless you're using "Ring of Fire" in an ad for Preparation H. I was interested to see Chris in a non-pimp spot, but he got the strobe lights of pimpage. He did a good job of making that song not sound like Johnny at all, but I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

Katharine - I like her voice and she's a beautiful girl, but I don't really like her. I think it's because she reminds me of Katie Holmes, and that's not fair, but oh well.

Taylor - God, I hate this guy. His pants were ill-fitting, he actually skipped around the stage, and, as I told Rusty, with that suit he looked like a drunken lawyer from the south in the 50s. Think A Time to Kill.

Lisa - She's good but she's so boring. Her performance reminded me of something you'd see in a 50s revue at Hersheypark.

Kevin - We need to put this kid out of his misery. He's horrible! I like the version of "When I Fall in Love" that's on the Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack. Yes, the one that features Celine Dion. I did not like this version.

Elliott - Bwah! moment of the night, "I wasn't too fond of Barry's music." Elliott sounded good, but the song he sang was boring.

Kellie - How have I heard of a song that Barry Manilow hasn't heard of? Kellie needs to shut the fuck up. She was all right, but I'm not familiar with the works of Patsy Cline.

Ace - What the hell was his hair? He looked like Elaine in the episode where Kramer stops his strike and goes back to work at the bagel store and the equipment breaks and the room fills with steam and it makes Elaine's hair flat and wet and the guy who had her fake number sees her looking like crap and then gives her a fake number. I told Rusty I don't like "In the Still of the Night," but I was thinking of "Stand By Me." I get them mixed up. "ITSOTN" is ok, but Ace is hardly the first person to do an "urbanized jazzy version" of it since Boyz II Men did it already. He sounded and looked good (besides the hair). He has let me down and there's only one way he can make it up to me. I mean by singing well next week! Get your minds out of the gutter!

Tonight: Barry sings. Woo hoo.


Blogger Dim said...

I, Not-Dim, has been waiting for this post since 10:01 last night. Here goes:

Mandisa - She's great, but I still think she oversings.

Bucky - I like this dude, but he could seriously be gone tonight.

Paris - She is outstanding. Probably the best of the females.

Chris - He absolutely murdered that Cash song. Not everything should be given the Nickelback treatment. Not only was Johnny Cash rolling over in his grave, but when Joaquin Phoenix dies, he will be rolling over in his grave too. Why is he praised for being uncompromising, when other sings do what is natural to them and they get criticized for staying in their comfort zone? What's the purpose of giving the contestants genres to sing if he is just going to do everything like a down-tempo depressing alternative song? I like the guy and think he has a good voice, but he needs to be exposed for what he is...and that's a pretty one-dimensional alternative dime-a-dozen singer.

Katharine - Might be sharing too much here, but I have a McFever in my pants! She's awesome. LOVE her. Oh, and she sings well too. Probably 2nd right behind Paris.

Taylor - what an awful song for him. But I like him because not a lot of people out there today sing like him.

Lisa - Time to go. The weakest of the women by far.

Kevin - Not as bad as last week, but I can't get "Part Time Lover" out of my head...

Kellie - the dumb blonde thing is getting old, but she has an outstanding voice.

Ace - Overrated. If he looked like Sway and sang like this, he would have been voted off already.

- Not D.

3/22/2006 10:27 AM  
Blogger Dim said...

Forgot Elliott, who is actually my favorite of the guys. He's great. Weird looking, but I really like his style of singing. Again, like very little that is out there right now.

- Not D.

3/22/2006 10:29 AM  
Blogger Jenny G said...

I'm glad to know my recaps have a fan, Not-Dim! I agree with you about Mandisa. I think Bucky could be gone, but I'm leaning towards Lisa. Paris does have a great voice but also a tendency to be smug. I also hate when one week they yell at you for staying in your box and then the next week they yell at you to get back in your box. Katharine doesn't give me a McPhever in my pants, but I do think she has the best voice of the women. Agree with you on the others except for Kellie having an outstanding voice. I still call her competent. You're totally right about Ace. I give him one more week to get good and then I'm off the Ace train.

3/22/2006 11:45 AM  
Blogger Rusty said...

HA! to Not-Dim's comment. I don't agree with all of them, but I definitely agree with the one about Chris, since it's exactly what I said last night while watching. I suppose that gives your conspiracy theory even more credence, Jenny. Plus, he butchered a Johnny Cash song, and that's unforgiveable. I like the guy, but he sings the same thing every week with different words! Enough already! I love Mandisa...'nuff said. Kellie is crap and has GOT to go. Butchering a Patsy Cline song (which she did, in my opinion) is also a sin, right up there with killing a song by the Man in Black. Katharine is meh for me. I like her voice, but something about her grates on my nerves. I don't like Lisa, although her voice is fairly good. Paris's speaking voice bothers me, because I've heard her talk like a normal human, so I know the squeaky-talk is put on. Why?! I love Elliott's voice, but I know he won't last, sadly.

Ace is only mediocre, but his looks make up for everything else. Mmmmm....Aaaaaace.

3/22/2006 12:51 PM  
Blogger Caroline said...

Oh my goodness you are freakin' hilarious! I love your sense of humor Jenny. I agree about what you said that Kellie, Lisa, Taylor and his pants,Katherine, and Kevin. I thought that Ryan Cabrera was going to perform, and why the hell was Constintine there?? He does have quite a butt chin. Hehehe.

3/22/2006 1:36 PM  
Blogger B. said...

Don't have much time to comment, but I think Kevin's got to go.

3/22/2006 4:46 PM  
Blogger Jenny G said...

Thanks, Caroline. Constantine was probably there because he has nothing better to do. You called it, B!

3/23/2006 7:07 AM  

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