All That Preparation...

...and now it's over. I'm actually glad Christmas is over. I get so sick of hearing Christmas carols and seeing Christmas commercials. Maybe if they didn't start in June they wouldn't be so irritating by December. I'm back at work, doing the job of 4 people, cursing myself for not becoming a teacher so I could have this whole week off. I had a nice little 5-day weekend though. On Friday I went to the grocery store and got a hair cut and for the life of me I can't remember what else I did. Early Saturday morning I dropped my car off to get the oil changed and then my dad and I went out for breakfast. At lunchtime I went to the hospital where I used to work to visit and get some free food. Then I watched True Colors which made me decide to take all the John Cusack movies that sound stupid off my Netflix queue.

On Saturday my mom had my grandma over for brunch (she was invited to their house for Christmas day, but the golden son, my uncle, was having Christmas dinner at his house so of course she had to go there) so I stopped by give my grandma her present so I could avoid having to get together with the Fox News watchin', deer huntin', Bible thumpin', George Bush votin' for side of my family. There's nothing wrong with them, we just obviously don't have too much in common. Every time I talked to her for the past few months she has gone on about how she has asked the golden grandchild, my cousin, to come over and wash her car but he never did. I decided to get her a gift certificate to Cloister car wash so she would quit her bitching. Her response was, "They scratched my sister's car and didn't pay for it." You're welcome, grandma. Last year she didn't even say anything when I gave her her present, so I guess this was a step up. When she opened my parents' present (a gift card to Wal-Mart and to the grocery store) she said, "I guess I'll use those." This is the same grandma who had this to say about the card I sent her a few years ago: "It's not a real Christmas card because it's not religious and it's the same one you sent me last year." Guess who is off my Christmas present list for next year? And I'll be more than happy to tell her why when she asks. In the evening we went to Chris's grandparents' house for dinner. It was saner than my family's gatherings. Chris and I exchanged presents when we got home. I got season 5 of Curb Your Enthusiasm (that show is freaking hilarious, by the way), a gift card to Linens N Things, a Georgia O'Keefe calendar (he said he took special care to find one with the least vagina-looking flowers), and a universal remote to replace the piece-of-shit one that I bought to replace that original one that broke. I gave him guitar strings, Naked Pictures of Famous People by Jon Stewart, and Season 9 of The Simpsons which was missing a disc. Of freaking course I grab the one that's missing a disc.

On Monday we went back to Chris's grandparents' house because his mom is in a rehab hospital and was allowed to come home for Christmas day. *Reading over that it sounds like she's in drug rehab; it's physical therapy* After that we headed over to my parents' house for dinner. My aunt was visiting from Cincinnati and she's usually a bitch, but she was pretty decent this year. I tell people she's like Patsy from Absolutely Fabulous but no one has ever seen that show. Basically she's the kind of person who uses the word fabulous in an unironic way.

Yesterday I didn't do jack shit except go to Target to exchange the Simpsons DVDs. It was a glorious day. Is it bad that I'm already ready for my upcoming 3-day weekend? I hope everyone had a great Christmas and has a good (and safe) New Year!

My Christmas Gift to You

Wow. Check out the video for "Christmas Shoes" by Newsong, a Christian group I had never heard of before I heard this horrifically treacly song. Apparently some Dickensian-looking child is sent to the store by his father to buy a pair of shoes for his mother so she looks nice for Jesus when she kicks the bucket. The kid doesn't have enough money for the shoes so he scams the guy in line behind him into kicking in the remainder. There are so many things wrong with this song and video.

Nothing could be worse. Oh wait, I was wrong.

Merry Christmas, everyone! I leave you with some '80s goodness.

Guilty Pleasure Saturday #8

Foreigner "Hot Blooded." This is the only video of this song I can find. It's acoustic, which takes a lot of the bite out of the song, but it's still cool as hell. Rusty says that everything has a theme song and an anthem; this is my anthem.



I have a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell!

Public Service Announcement

My Hero

Reason #5,697 why Martha Stewart kicks ass: She did an interview with Howard Stern to celebrate their one-year anniversaries on Sirius. According to reports, instead of getting offended by his questions (which makes absolutely no sense to me. Don't these people know what Howard is like?) Martha rolled right along with all of his punches, telling Howard, in response to allegations that her staffers went to Rachael Ray's show to spy, that "“I'’m the mother of these how-to shows. She cannot cook like I cook. She cannot craft like I craft."” Dayum, girl! Go on wit yo bad self!

The interview ended with Howard telling Martha not to wear underwear the next time she's on the show, leading to this exchange: "“Wait, are you wearing underwear today?"” "“No...bye Howard."”

I love the fact that Martha is such a domestic goddess but she also has an edge to her, and that's why she's my hero.

Guilty Pleasure Saturday #7

Danzig "Mother"

I don't see anything wrong with liking this song, but apparently other people do, so I suppose it qualifies as a guilty pleasure. Put up your devil horns and rock out.

TV Musings

Hmmm...I liked this episode but I wasn't crazy about it.

What I loved:

Dwight stealing Toby's robe. I loved his little "Why?" and the stroking of Kevin's robe.

The karaoke, especially Kevin singing "You Oughta Know."

Karen and Pam's relationship and all the formations of (and denying memberships to) new committees.

Michael marking his date because all waitresses look the same. And speaking of that, did they use different actresses for Michael's date? I could have sworn the waitress at Benihana had a thinner face and her hair was more reddish-brown than the girl he took to the party. Great, now I'm like Michael Scott!

Dwight and Angela showing some affection. I hated their relationship before tonight because it never seemed real. It was always used as comic relief.

Phyllis's longing gazes at the fun party.

Dwight arguing with the chef at Benihana about the knives. I know people like that.

Listening to the sample of the song on iTunes over and over again. One more way I'm like Michael Scott.

Darryl and his sythesizer. I love Darryl! One of my all-time favorite moments in this series is during "The Alliance' when Pam and Jim trick Dwight into hiding in a box in the warehouse. The look Darryl gives Dwight when he breaks out of the box is priceless.

Dwight waiting for the helicopter. Abort mission!

Dwight singing "Lady," which is my #2 favorite love song of all time.

What I didn't like:

Another allusion to Meredith's alcoholism. I get it and so do all the other viewers. One of the great things about the show was its subtlety. Please remember that, writers.

Jim's rebound conversation. It's really assholish that he's using Karen as his rebound girl and continues to lead her on. I'm not really shipping for Pam and Jim right now, mostly because I don't like the way Jim is acting towards her. The allure of Jim in the first place was that he was so perfect. Good-looking without being so hot that he's full of himself, sweet, smart, thoughtful, funny--now he's kind of a prick which has made me stop living vicariously through Pam. It was nice to see him admit that he still has feelings for him, but I'm sort of over the whole thing. At last year's finale, my heart was flip-flopping. If the confession and the kiss happened now I don't think that would be the case.

The goose. Waaaaay too much!

Hannah. She needs to go away. If I knew her in real life I'd want to beat her about the head with a baseball bat.

Next week's episode is a re-run of this I believe.

Eeek!

Check out these "remixed movie trailers." I love these things!



I always knew Mary Poppins was evil.



Sort of makes you see Forrest in a different light.



I think this is the most professional-looking one.

Uh Oh

I swore I wasn't going to have an American Idol boyfriend this year...until I read a spoiler that Tom Lowe has made it to the top 40 accompanied by this pic. Yummy! Not Ace-caliber hotness, but hot nonetheless. And he graduated from Harvard to boot! I guess this won't be the year I get over my crack addiction.





From MJ's Big Blog.

Guilty Pleasure Saturday #6

Michael Jackson "The Lady in My Life"

Sorry about the video, this song was never a single so I couldn't find a real video. This song is so fantastically cheesy, but I love it. It's in my list of the top 10 love songs of all time.

TV Musings

What in blazes?! ER was a mess last night! I felt like I was going to go into a diabetic coma it was so sickeningly sweet. Usually I melt whenever Luka talks, but if he said to me what he said to Abby I'd either laugh or gag. "I wasn't running away, I was running to you." WTF?! Let's not forget that a few seasons ago Luka told Abby she isn't that pretty and she isn't that special. Then he went and whored it up with a bunch of women. I'm tired of the Gates/Ray/Neela love triangle. And, Ray? Please shave the weasel 'stache. Thanks. McCreamy? Eww and why? I hope they were busting on Grey's Anatomy since I refuse to watch that show because of the whole McDreamy, McSteamy thing.

Argh!! Those damn Dickens kids! What kid, let alone some homeless kid whom I doubt has much formal education, would say someone passed instead of saying they died?! I like Morris this season, but his storyline with his daughter made me want to punch a reindeer in the face (his daughter was such a cutie though). And what the hell was up with the Sam/Ben storyline? He flirts with her for one day and then decides to spend a month in Chicago instead of 2 weeks? Why? The Dubenko storyline was kind of cute but I wasn't happy when I thought he was going to tell Neela he loved her. I don't need everyone in the whole damn hospital to be in love with Neela. A side note: Dubenko is hotter than Luka. A mentally retarded 2-year-old could have seen the conclusions of the homeless woman storyline and the crystal meth guy storyline a mile away, but they were sort of sweet if not completely unrealistic and contrived.

And of course I was expecting Santa's sleigh to crash on Morris and kill him. Damn show.

Don't forget that next week's Office is one hour. I heard it's a good one!

Random Randomness

I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that I was dating one of the members of Aerosmith. Not Joe Perry, the only hot one, but this guy. Tom Hamilton is the bassist for Aerosmith and I'm sad that I know that, but I had an obsession in 7th grade. I suppose if I had to date one of them (other than Joe), it would be him, but he's not too far from being old enough to be my grandfather, so ew.

I watched Breakfast on Tiffany's on Saturday. Could that movie be any more racist? [/Chandler Bing] I'm not a huge fan of 60's movies. I think it's because the acting was different in some way, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I don't know that it's overacting, per se, but it's weird. I do have to say that George Peppard is hot though.

I hate Bath and Body Works. I love their stuff (even though it's obscenely overpriced) but the store is so tiny, the display tables are placed about an inch apart, the salespeople are annoying and pushy, and our B&BW is so hot! They have a million high-wattage lights that make the store 100 degrees. That plus the body heat of 50 people crammed into a 2-inch square equals a very unpleasant shopping experience. The only reason I went today was because when I was Christmas shopping they pressured me into spending $5 more to get a $10 gift card, which said I had a $0 balance when I went to check out which is odd considering I never used the damn thing. I thought it wouldn't be crowded since I went during church when it's usually just me and the other heathens. Of course the mall was packed. What's the meaning of Christmas again? Oh yeah, the birth of Jesus. I didn't read the part of the Bible where Jesus said to go to the mall and walk around like herds of cattle giving money to greedy corporations instead of going to church. On the way out I almost knocked a hideous candle holder onto the floor because only people who are 2 inches wide can easily walk through that damn store. I did break something the last time I was there; thank god they didn't make me buy it.

I hate the fact that so many McMansions are being built in York. Every empty parcel of land is being turned into a development of shoddily-built $400K homes. The nouveau riche can turn right around and go back to Maryland. How about building affordable homes for middle class people? I can't afford to buy a $400K home (and believe the hell out of me, if I could it wouldn't be one of those homes) and I'm not going to buy a $50K home in the ghetto of York. A rancher in my parents' neighborhood sold for almost $200K. It's a solidly-built home, but you've got to be kidding me with that price.

I just saw a commercial for Wal-Mart. I think the idea was that the woman bought a tray of deli meats but when she went to serve it she realized that all of her guests worked at a deli (they were all wearing aprons). Since Wal-Mart was so cheap she was able to afford backup. WTF?! I'm assuming that since these are guests in your home they're either friends or family. Doesn't this woman know where her friends and family work? I would think it would be a conversation started that they all work in delis and all show up to Christmas dinner in their uniforms. I try to be around my family as little as possible, but I know where they work.

News outlets are making a big deal over the police officer who told two black men that they would get out of a littering ticket if they rapped. According to the account I read, the men made up funny raps (the lyrics are in the article), were laughing the whole time, and the police officer joked around with them about football. The picture in the article I linked shows one man giving the officer five; both are smiling. Bad judgment? Yes. Racist? No. Then men who were pulled over weren't even the ones who complained! I say if those men have a problem with it then it's an issue; otherwise, it's not. If Officer Cletus told me to sing a country song to get out of the ticket I would have gladly done so. Way to make a mountain out of a molehill.

Speaking of my run-in with Officer Cletus, my speeding ticket was $131. A woman in York who was speeding in a school zone and hit a crossing guard, breaking both of her legs resulting in her inability to work (you sort of have to be able to stand to be a crossing guard) got a $120 ticket. Makes sense.

Guilty Pleasure Saturday #5

Air Supply "Making Love Out of Nothing At All"

This song is so delightfully cheesy! My parents listen(ed) to crappy music so it's what I grew up on. As a result, I like songs like "Making Love Out of Nothing At All."

Cue Twilight Zone Theme Song

I'm thoroughly creeped out. Good things are happening to me. I decided to stop at the grocery store on the way home to beat the storm. Of course it started pouring just as I finished shopping. I wasn't surprised since whatever decision I make is usually the wrong one. Miraculously it stopped just as I was ready to leave the store! As soon as I finished loading my groceries into my trunk, the power went out. Normally that would happen while I was still in line and I wouldn't be able to check out. Then I realized that the power at home would probably be out since I live 5 minutes away from the grocery store. "Tonight'll be fun," I thought. Guess what? The power was on in my neighborhood even though it was out everywhere else! Score! I'm totally expecting our house to burn down tonight or something.

On the Road

Ok, enough procrastinating. I left York at around 8:30 AM on Thursday morning. Traffic was pretty light, but it was drizzling, so it sort of sucked. I was excited for my adventure but not looking forward to sitting in one position for 8 hours. I've ridden in a car that long before, but I've never driven. The scenery on the way down was gorgeous. The mountains down there are incredible! I'll never move to Virginia though; the police there are Nazis! I saw more cops in Virginia on the way down that I see on my 60 mile round-trip drive to work in 6 months. Plus, radar detectors are illegal. I don't have one myself, but it's the principle of the thing! I, of course, was pulled over by Officer Cletus for going 80 in a 65. Thank god, because I was going a whole hell of a lot faster than that earlier! Now I'm pissed because I have to drive sensibly for 2 years. It'll take a year for me to get rid of my points--I guess. I haven't been able to find out if I actually got any points or not and Officer Cletus didn't know. Then after another year any ticket I get after that will be considered a first offense. After some other minor mishaps I finally made it to Mooresville around 5 PM and got to see Rusty for the first time since Labor Day! She had made a delicious Thanksgiving dinner so we ate that and then relaxed. We went to bed fairly early because there was a sale at Lowe's Motor Speedway. We planned to leave at 9...

...Which didn't happen considering Rusty's alarm didn't go off so we didn't even get up till around 9--oops! At the speedway Rusty spent enough money that we were able to take a couple spins around the track. Guys, I couldn't possibly care less about NASCAR, but it was so cool to be out on the track! You're at a pretty steep angle and you feel like you're going to tip over. In between laps we went to get lunch and I had fried pickles for the first time; they are more awesome than they sound. After our day at the track we went shopping to get Rusty's Christmas decorations and went to see Stranger Than Fiction. The movie got bad reviews, but I thought it was pretty good. I'm not even a Will Farrell fan.

On Saturday I got the grand tour of Mooresville. I saw Rusty's school and some extremely expensive homes. We did some more shopping and then went to lunch at a BBQ joint. I can't remember what the hell we did between lunch and dinner besides watch a horrendous cable access high school news show. We went to a seafood place called Big Daddy's for dinner (fried catfish and sweet tea...mmmm....). After dinner Rusty put her Christmas tree up while we watched some Office episodes.

I got a later start than I wanted to on Sunday morning, and the drive back was horrendous! We randomly stopped on the interstate at least 10 times and it took me over 9 hours to get home. I only stopped twice to pee, once for gas, and once to go through the drive-thru at McDonald's, so my back and legs were killing me when I got home. I also almost got killed twice too. Once was because I forgot how short one of the on-ramps was and almost went in front of an 18-wheeler and once was when some dumbass in front of me was driving down the highway straddling the center line. The person behind me passed him on the right and I guess it startled him because for some reason he stopped in the middle of the highway. Thank Jebus there was no one behind me! Incidentally, there was some dumbass straddling the line on my way home from work Tuesday night. I'm not talking just drifting over the line for 2 seconds; I'm talking the middle of these dumbasses' cars we over the line for several miles. Did the driving rules change and I wasn't notified?

I get to see Rusty again in about 3 weeks! Stay tuned for more accounts of our misadventures.

TV Musings

Last night's Office was written by Gervais and Merchant. I only half watched it because I got a bug up my ass to organize the entertainment center and I was taping it. I loved Andy "wooing" Pam and I'm glad she took it as a joke instead of getting upset about it. I love Steve Carell, but he's usually my least favorite part of the episodes. Prison Mike was awesome though. I love how his accent went from Hispanic to African American to mentally retarded. And of course: "Unless you mean Toby...Convicted rapist." I love Michael and Toby's relationship.

Bored at work? Play Office solitaire.

I only saw half of ER because Chris got his Wii yesterday and was playing with it. It's so weird that I like Morris this season! Luka needs to calm his ass down. He has already killed once, for god's sake!

Wow, my musings are lame. It's the first of the month though, so work is busy.