Saturday, March 18, 2006

Random Thoughts

In this post I discuss turtles, St. Patrick's Day, nasty food, Chuck Norris, fat women in bikinis, and creation by spaghetti.

I saw the cutest commercial last night! I think it's for cable internet, and it stars
The Slowskys, a turtle couple who are totally adorable!

Thank god St. Patrick's Day is over. The garage where I park at work is right in the heart of restaurant row, and there was so much drunken asshattery going on when I left work. I understand that it was St. Patrick's Day, but I think it's a little pathetic to be blitzed at 4 P.M. once you're past 20. There were 4 of us working stiffs in the elevator, complete with work bags and all the accoutrements that go along with, you know, actually working. Just as the door
closed, these drunken asshats pushed the button, and 4 of them squeezed into the already crowded elevator. The smell was really pleasant. One of them proceeded to announce that two of the other ones had just gotten engaged. I muttered "congratulations." Then she told us he proposed at the bar. I think my sarcastic, "That's romantic," was lost on them.

St. Patty's Day usually just turns out to be a pain in the ass because of the crowds. Even when I was at the other office, we were close to an Irish pub. I don't have anything against Irish culture, I'm just not interested in it. I don't have any desire to go there, I don't particularly like the music, I think Guinness is nasty, and the food seems vomitous to me. Although, to be fair, I think the vomitousness is a UK thing, not just Irish.

Chris and I watched an episode of
Walker, Texas Ranger the other night. To be more specific, it was Episode 304: Mustangs. The synopsis totally lies, because Walker was not critically wounded at any point in the episode. I must now kill myself for doing that much research. But first, I have to let you all in on a little secret. Rusty is madly in love with Chuck Norris and wants to marry him and have a million of his roundhouse-kicking little babies. If you haven't seen this site, look at it, as it's freaking hilarious. My personal favorite is, "When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closed for Chuck Norris."

Anyway, about the show. I have never seen any show with worse editing than this one. At one point Chuck Norris and some guy were in the back of a moving truck, fighting. The truck was in an open meadow. When Chuck and the guy fell off, they landed in the woods. In one scene Chuck was driving and I pointed out to Chris that he was being passed by a million cars. When Chris told me that it's because Chuck Norris obeys the speed limit I had to remind him that the speed limit obeys Chuck Norris. Since this show is an hour long, they had to have a lot of filler. They showed horses in a stream for like, 5 minutes for no reason.

Some guy shot at Chuck and of course, it hit him in the badge and he was ok. In another scene, Chuck is trying to tame this wild mustang that kept throwing him off (and in the spirit of making the show drag, this happened about 30 times). Finally, child Chuck talks to some random Indian guy who gives him wisdom, and then adult Chuck is magically able to tame the wild beast. The only problem is that the original wild beast was twice the height of Chuck, and the one he tames is shorter than he is. How this show lasted more than 1 season is beyond me.

I saw a promo for a Dateline-like show where they have a bunch of fat women who have to lose weight by a deadline or else they have to go on national television wearing bikinis that are too small for them. That's cruel, but I guess that's pretty damn good motivation.

Living in a red county in a blue state can be interesting. The "Living" section of our Saturday paper is always about religion. 99.9% of the time it's about Christianity (always positive, of course) with some Judaism thrown in for good measure at Rosh Hashana, and the occasional article about Islam to show that us cuntry folks are open to all religions. In fact, we work with one of them there towelheads. Speaking of, one of the most frustrating conversations I ever had was when I tried to explain to some guy I worked with that Christians, Jews, and Muslims all worship the same god, and that Christianity is the youngest of those 3 religions. Anyway, imagine my surprise and pleasure when the front page of the "Living" section had an article about The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. This was created as a response to the growing trend of trying to bring religion to public schools. The greatest part is that one of the creators is a Christian and the other refuses to divulge.

I've finally come to the point where I can be confident in my decision to be an Agnostic. I used to feel that Agnostics were wishy washy fence-sitters. Now, my belief is that I don't know if god exists, but not only do I not know, no one can possibly know. The only difference between myself and a believer is faith. I don't have faith in things that haven't been proven, or at least almost proven. Even if I did believe in god, I wouldn't be a Christian for several reasons, which is probably left discussed in a separate post, if ever. I was raised in the Methodist church and I wrote to them asking to be taken off their membership roster in 2001. 20 years of church taught me a thing or two. Probably not what they wanted me to have been taught, but I think for myself.


Blogger Rusty said...

Ah, Chuck Norris. There is no greater actor. Actually, I've despised Chuck Norris since about 1989 (when I saw the movie Sidekicks...don't rent it), and you know it. I still have the little picture of Chuck in the black muscle shirt that you put on our dorm room door. I love how he's professing his love to me.

Spaghetti Monster?! Wow. I love the "touched by his noodly appendage" picture.

Welsh food doesn't sound all that bad. Scottish food, however is a different story. I long to go to Ireland, and I'm not terribly turned off by their food...I'll have to do more research on that one. Other than blood sausage (black pudding) and innard-type treats, I thought British food was awesome. Not bland, like I had expected.

3/18/2006 2:55 PM  
Blogger Dim said...

First of all, "the speed limit obeys Chuck Norris" is absolutely friggin CLASSIC. If I wrote in internet shortcuts, I would say that I LOLed at it. But I don't.

I don't like St. Patrick's Day either. I'm not Irish, but that's not why. Like you, I LOATHE crowded bars, $6 pints, and drunken assholes. And Guinness is nasty (though Smithwicks is mighty fine).

- D.

3/18/2006 3:39 PM  
Blogger Jenny G said...

You and Chuck were meant to be. Re: Welsh food. It doesn't sound as bad as the others. I'd love to order faggots, which, according to Wikipedia, are a kind of pork meatball. I always figured when I go to England I'll be eating a lot of fish and chips and a lot of McDonald's.

Thanks, Dim. Maybe not Dim can lol at that. I'm glad I'm not the only one who loathes St. Patty's.

3/18/2006 4:41 PM  
Blogger J. said...

My mom's english, and I will concur--Other than the occasional roast with yorkshire pudding, the oven is not needed in british cuisine--what you can't boil you can always fry.

Oh, and chronoligically, it goes Judaism, Christianity, Islam--each following accepting to some extent the book and prophets/teaching of the one(s) previous.

3/18/2006 6:04 PM  
Blogger B. said...

With that high-kick, Chuck Norris could be a Dallas Cowgirl. BTW (ha, Dim) someone once told me that my Dad reminded her of Chuck Norris. :)

3/19/2006 5:36 PM  
Blogger defiant goddess said...

Wow, I could have written almost every word in that last paragraph myself.

And is it just me or does Chuck look *extremely* uncomfortable in that pic? :)

3/20/2006 8:40 AM  
Blogger Caroline said...

One of my good friends is afraid of Chuck Norris. I have no idea why.

I've been to Ireland, when I was 16. The food actually wasn't bad. I've been to England too, and yeah, the food is nothing to write home about. Italy defintely has the BEST food!!

I like your last paragraph. Saturday night I was out with my friend Lauren and some of her friends and we started having a discussion like that. I was raised in the Catholic church, and went to Catholic school my entire life. When I was younger my beliefs were a lot more conservative, and I thought that if I didn't abide by the rules of the Catholic church that I was a bad person. I agree that Christianity, Judiasm, and Islam all worship the same God, just in different ways I guess. Politics and religion are something that I actually enjoy talking about. Its always interesting to hear someone else's perspective on it. Someone like you that is who is intelligent! Have you read The DaVinci Code?

3/20/2006 9:29 PM  
Blogger Jenny G said...

Huh. I always thought Christianity was newer. I'm impressed that Chuck can kick so high with those tight jeans. Goddess, that does look uncomfortable...and unnatural!

Caroline, it's probably because Chuck could roundhouse your friend in the head. Thanks for the compliment. Back in the day I never really cared about religion or politics, but I was always happy with Bill Clinton as president. I guess now that I don't like the president I think about it more. I haven't read The DaVinci Code, but a lot of people have said I should.

3/21/2006 8:25 AM  

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