Nostalgia

When I moved out of my parents' house I took my high school yearbook from my senior year, but I left the others behind because I didn't want to be bothered with lugging them along with the other mountains of junk that I accumulated over my 22 years on this earth. Last weekend I went and picked up the rest of them and was looking through the things people wrote. High school wasn't particularly wonderful for me, but it wasn't that horrible either, and I think I've reached the point where I've forgotten most of the shit and now remember the better things. There were definitely some good times. Now I have this weird desire to reconnect with people from high school. Unfortunately, the people with whom I'd like to reconnect aren't easily found. There are 70 or so people from my graduating class on MySpace (out of about 312), and I care about fewer than 10 of them, and I was already in touch with 3 of those anyway. I could call their parents, but that reeks of desperation. Even if I did reconnect, I'm horrible at returning e-mails, and even worse at returning calls. I don't answer my home phone because of telemarketers and my cell phone is usually at the bottom of my purse, dead.

It has been almost 7 years since I graduated. We had a 6-year reunion last year, but due to the nature of our class officers it was basically a shindig for the popular kids. I wasn't popular. I wasn't a total dork and I was in-school-only friends with some of the popular kids, but for the most part they're not people with whom I feel the need to reconnect; one of these was one of the sweetest guys in the world who died a year and a half ago of brain cancer. I had friends in different groups and I wasn't (and still am not) one for cliques. Our high school was very cliquey and I think it's because our school district was so big that it encompassed ritzy neighborhoods of McMansions, rural ones, and trashy ones.

I'm rambling, but I always get this way at this time of year. Even though I'm out of school, I still remember the often bittersweet feeling of the year coming to a close.

Update

My air conditioner was fixed by the time I got home yesterday! I love when things work out.

Speaking of things working themselves out, for some reason my alarm was changed to 12PM, but I still managed to wake up only about 10 minutes late. I keep a box of granola bars in my office for when that happens, so it's all good.

I hate being a woman and all the fun stuff that comes along with it. I'm so emotional today. I was looking at the SPCA's page of animals in the paper and was getting teary-eyed at them. I'm listening to The Cure's Disintegration (one of the best. albums. ever.) at work and "Last Dance" came on and I got teary-eyed again. I'm not a crier, but PMS puts my emotions on a tilt-a-whirl.

*Update - The Hershey Bears are going to the Calder Cup finals for the AHL-record 19th time!

Why, God; Why?!

1 broken AC + 2 days of temps over 90 + 1 landlord who takes forever to do stuff = 1 pissed off Jenny G

Are you in awe of my mad Paint skillz?

RIP

Rest in Peace, Paul Gleason. Does Barry Manilow know you raided his closet?

Happy Memorial Day!

On Friday, we got off work at 3, which was extremely awesome. Saturday morning Rusty and I hiked about 2.5 or 3 miles. I was motivated so I cleaned my car inside and out and I even cleaned the windows with ammonia. On Sunday I went along with Rusty's family to their beloved weekly outing to the Chinese buffet, then Rusty and I went to the nursery to get some plants. I got petunias, basil, mint, dill, and cilantro. I've never had much luck with basil so I'm hoping my pot o' herbs does well. I tried to sit outside and get some sun on my pasty ass legs, but my landlord needed to mow so I'm still pasty as ever. I haven't been tan since high school. I had my dad over for a Memorial Day cookout since my mom's out of town and he doesn't know how to cook. I don't have anything planned today, but I'm just going to relax and enjoy my day off. The high today is 91, so I may have to turn on the old AC. I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend!

*Update: Happy 1-year anniversary (about 1 week late) to my blog!

The Finale

I'm slacking, guys! I had Rusty and my friend L. over for a cookout yesterday in celebration of having Ace's pretty, pretty face on my TV again. And the night was thankfully free of Constantine! Unfortunately it was also free of Bo Bice and JPL, but you take the good with the bad. Thoughts:

The girls and I missed the singing at the beginning, but I downloaded it and we didn't miss anything important.

Time has been kind to neither Meatloaf nor Dionne Warwick.

On the other hand, Prince hasn't aged since the '80s. Creepy! It was funny when he strutted away from Ryan.

The Clay thing was cute, but WTF was that hair?

Ace is purty.

How out of place did Kevin look with the other 5 guys? They're all at least 10 years older than he is and have more testosterone in their pinkies than he has. I shouldn't bust on a kid, but I feel bad for him being up there with three hot men, one relatively attractive one, and one that I want to punch in the face.

After last night I think L wants to add Bucky to her celebrity gang bang.

The girls' medley was meh, but I'm not a fan of "I am woman, hear me roar" songs.

Someone at TWoP who is much more clever than I described Chris with Ed Kowalczyk from live as the beginnings of a Single White Female scenario. Very apt.

Yay! Cowboy Garret!

I could do without seeing Toni Braxton's crotch.

Way to try to overshine Elliott, Mary J Blige.

Quote of the night from L: "They auditioned 30,000 people and Taylor was the best they could find?"

Observation of the night from Rusty: Toni Braxton and Taylor Hicks. Braxton Hicks contractions. Coincidence? I think not.

I'm sorry, but I love Ryan Seacrest.

Pass the brain bleach; Kevin is singing about kissing my pussycat.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I thought the Pickler and Puck thing was cute, if a little overdone.

Wow. What a surprise. Taylor won.

8 months and counting...

Blogging the Bible

I've been reading Blogging the Bible by David Plotz at Slate. Neither my church nor my parents raised me with the belief that the Bible was to be taken literally; it was seen as a bunch fables with a few passages of non-fiction thrown in here and there. Today I look at the Bible as a piece of literature, albeit a great and influential one. Even though I don't agree with all its teachings, it's a guide for how to live a good life even though most of its wisdom is common sense. I always wanted to read the Bible, but I found the language to be laborious with all that A begat B who begat C who begat D stuff. I have a basic knowledge of Bible stories and I even remember from Sunday school that the first 5 books are Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. If the Bible came in novel form, I would love to read it (Readers--does it?).

That's why I love Mr. Plotz's take. With passages like "After the attempted mass gay rape, the father pimping, the urban devastation, uxorious saline murder, it looks like Lot and his daughters are finally safe," it might be easy to call it blasphemous, but it's not because it's true. Since Mr. Plotz is Jewish I'm not expecting to see the New Testament done by him, but I'll continue to enjoy the Old Testament.

Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania, Strong and True

I saw on our local news this morning that there is a vote going on for the official Pennsylvania bumper sticker. The current leaders are "Don't follow me. Pick your own road." and "I break for Shoo Fly Pie." Ummm...no. I know that I and some of my LG&E readers could come up with something much better. My picks:

Pennsylvania: What's that smell?
Pennsylvania: Drivers, say good-bye to your wheel alignment.
Pennsylvania: We prefer the term "pleasingly plump."
Pennsylvania: 16-34% pay raises for all congresspeople!
Pennsylvania: Enjoy the 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
Pennsylvania: Yes, we have a town named Intercourse.

To go more local:
York: No mayors convicted of participating in race riots since 2001.
York: Who needs grammar anyway?
Centralia: Oops!

There's a good PA article at The Black Table.

Almost There

Constantine, my TV (well, Rusty's, actually) has issued a cease and desist order against your ass chin and your eye fucks.

Want to hear the American Idol CD? No? Here's the link anyway. I will never tire of hearing Ace sing to me that he wants to be my daddy. Yes, I have issues. I heard George Michael's version of "Father Figure" in the car on the way to Rusty's; Ace's is better.

The highlight of my night was seeing quick glimpses of Ace and Rusty's mom's reaction when Rusty told her she thinks Ace is gay. Those singles are the dreckiest dreck that ever drecked. I'm so jacked for tomorrow night. Cheese fest!

They added another AI concert date in Hershey, so I will be online at 10 AM trying to get the tickets that were denied to me before. I'm so glad I didn't buy those crappy tickets on Saturday.

You may have seen this already, but check out this comedian's 6 minute clip. He does dances from the 50s through today. Ahh, nostalgia.

Oh yeah!

Hershey Bears:

Game 1: W 5-0
Game 2: W 2-1 OT
Game 3: L 6-5 2OT
Game 4: W 4-0

One more to go, boys!

The Weekend I Turned Old

On Friday morning I got my hair cut and highlighted. My hair guy sat me down in his chair and said, "Let me see something," and proceeded to check out the top of my head. He informed me that I had a gray hair and I told him it was fitting since it was my 25th. Then I came home and made myself some French onion soup using my expensive ass Gruyere cheese. The cheese was actually very good, and worth $13/lb., but I don't have a $13/lb. cheese budget, so this may be the only time I eat Gruyere. After lunch I ran some errands including getting myself a 6-pack of Corona. That stuff is expensive as hell, but it's my birthday, dammit!

In the evening, Chris took me to the best Chinese place in York. Then we went to an ice cream place to get a chocolate malt shake, which is something I have about once every other year. The guy in the ice cream place was such an ass. I was ordering for Chris and me and I had to tell him my order 4 times because he was ignoring me. It's not like I expect some random guy to give my ice cream order rapt attention, but his job is to serve me and to show some semblance of friendliness. I ordered and was charged for a large for Chris, yet received a small. Upon drinking my malt I noticed that this ass had not mixed it up well since the malt powder was still in powder form and my whole damn shake was gritty. This is a family-owned company that has been in York for ages; I'm sure the guy who owns it would not be happy to know how one of his employees acted.

When we came home we watched Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices. It didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know except for the fact that people in China, India, Honduras, and other countries work 7 days a week for about 27 cents a day in Wal-Mart's factories. In China there are dorms for the workers, but even if they choose not to live in the dorms they still get the rent payment taken out of their checks. They interviewed a man whose job it was to make sure the working conditions in Central and South America were suitable. When he reported that they weren't, he was fired.

Also, there is a fund that to which Wal-Mart employees can contribute to help fellow employees in times of need. Wal-Mart employees donated $5 million; in the same year the Walton family donated $6,000. Not only that, but the Wal-Mart corporation has received billions of dollars in subsidies from local governments at the expense of those counties' police and fire departments, schools, etc. After that movie we started to watch Arrested Development DVDs and I feel asleep on the couch at around 9:30. Rock on!!!

I didn't do much on Saturday. I cleaned the house, Chris's mom came over to give me my present, I bought Styx tickets and was unable to get American Idol tickets, I made yummy mac and cheese with the rest of the Gruyere, and I honestly don't remember what the hell else I did.
On Sunday my mom and I went to the Book Nook, a fundraiser held by York Hospital. On Sundays there's no admission fee and you can get up to a yard of books for $2. I got 15 books, and if they suck it doesn't matter since they cost just cents apiece. I could have bought a 1988 Burger King calendar with coupons and recipes or a Williams Sonoma catalog from 2001, but I decided against it. After that I met up with a hungover Rusty. We went to Linens N' Things and then to Friendly's. We had fun as usual, and our service was so good at Friendly's that I tipped 20%. No small thing considering my base is 15% and you lose part of your tip every time my glass sits empty. I almost want to write to them because that was exactly how a waitress should be.

Today I went to the bank to switch some stuff around on my CDs, repotted 2 plants, took a little drive, did some laundry, and went out to dinner with my parents and my grandma. I don't see how what I did today could possibly take up a whole day, but apparently it did. I'm now sitting here yawning after taking 2 Simply Sleep since I need to get up tomorrow morning and go back to the grind. I hope everyone had a good weekend!

I Don't Think My Readers Are Bad Mothers

I wanted to tell you three stories from my childhood to reiterate that I don't think a person is a bad parent just because he or she makes a mistake. My parents were great parents, but they most certainly made mistakes. We love to tell the first two stories to make fun of my dad; he gets pissy when we do.

Story #1: Before I was a year old, my dad was giving me a bath. The phone rang and he went into their bedroom to answer the phone, leaving me in the tub (considering we had a rotary phone until the mid '90s and my parents still don't have call waiting, there's no way we had a cordless phone in the early '80s). It was my grandmother on the phone and after talking to my dad for a little while, she asked where I was. He told her I was in the tub and she explained to him in her admonishing yet polite southern belle way that you can't leave a baby in the tub unattended.

Story #2: This happened during the summer of '81 so I couldn't have been more than 3 months old. My mom wasn't home, I was taking a nap, and my dad was painting the front door of the house. One of his friends called because his car had broken down. My dad didn't want to wake me up, so he left me home alone to pick up his friend, and because the door was still wet, he had to leave it hanging open.

Story #3: My family went out to eat at a pizza place. The next morning I woke up crying, but my mom ignored me because she didn't want to get up. When she finally came to get me my face was covered in dried pizza vomit.

So you see, despite those things and also playing with mercury from a broken thermometer, having my mother smoke the whole way through pregnancy and in the car on trips, getting cookies for breakfast because I wouldn't eat breakfast food, being placed on the top of the refrigerator by my dad more times than I can count, having my first cigarette in 5th grade because my mom never bothered to hide hers, knowing and liking what gin and tonics tasted like at a young age, and having my grandma pull a Britney Spears and hold me on her lap in their truck (my mom protested that but my grandma told her she'd hold on to me if they got in an accident), I'm still alive.

But, unlike Mrs. Federline, if my mom had been drunkenly carrying me and a glass of booze, she would have dropped the glass before she dropped me.

Mommy Dearest

Can someone please explain to me why Britney Spears still has custody of her child?

Falls the child falls from his highchair. I understand that the nanny was with the baby at the time, but if a parent is going to hire a nanny it's his or her responsibility to make sure they hire someone competent. Britney and Kevin were in the other room at the time. I understand that you can't be with your baby every second, but come on!

Next, she has him in his car seat facing forward. While this isn't illegal, police are still able to ticket for it. Not only that but I wouldn't suggest driving in a convertible with the top down with a baby in the back seat. I'm sure he got a nice case of head sunburn too. Oh wait, he can't get sunburn because they're moving, y'all! I won't go into the ragdoll position that he was in.

Most recently, Britney came out of a hotel holding a glass and almost drops Sean. I don't know what was in that glass, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't Red Bull. After the incident she said, "This is why I need a gun." Ok...

I know accidents happen, but this is getting ridiculous. And keep in mind that these incidents are the ones about which the public is aware. I don't want to think about what happens to that poor child behind closed doors.

Holy Crap!

Wow! The ER finale was ridiculous, yet good. I'm actually anticipating next season. I'm this show's bitch. If they kill off Jerry imma be pissed! I don't understand how they were able to get Alex in the van, although this show requires a lot of suspension of disbelief.

Netflix and 3 Song Night

Back in November when I got my first e-mail about Netflix's class action lawsuit, I ignored it because it didn't automatically switch you back to your old plan and I didn't want to be bothered with having to remember to do that. I just got an e-mail the other day saying that now they will automatically switch you back and I can't decide what to do. I love Netflix and I've never had any problems with them except 2 DVDs that were scratched (and this is since September '04). I feel like by being a part of the class I'm sticking it to them and I have no desire to do so. I have major guilt issues so maybe some of my readers can tell me if this is a non-issue or is my Netflix guilt justified?

I don't really have too much to say about American Idol last night. I was pretty bored and Rusty and I talked over most of the 3rd performances. Kat's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" was great but I can't get past her smug attitude, especially during the judges' critiques of her first song. By the way, I heard on the radio this morning that she was caught on tape grabbing her boobs and saying that she paid for them. Unfortunately I think Elliott is going home tonight. He's my lesser of 3 evils. I like his voice and I like him, but he's so boring to me. No matter who goes home, it won't affect the fact that there has only been 1 year when I cared about someone in the final 2, and that's last year.

YEEEEEEEEEES!

Styx is coming to the York Fair on September 16th!

Headlines

NBC released its fall lineup, and much to my chagrin, The Office has been moved to 8:30 PM on Thursday nights which means I won't be home. VCR, don't fail me now!

Go Bears! The Bears wiped the floor with the Wilkes Barre-Scranton Penguins, winning 4 games in a row in the East Division finals. Game 1 of the Eastern Conference playoffs between the Hershey Bears and the Portland Pirates is tomorrow.

A teacher in St. Joseph, MO had his students write a paper about whom they would kill and how.

I'm Old

Guys, I'm falling apart! I have a chipped tooth and the dentist can't see me till June 23rd. I knew no good would come out of the big 2-5. I didn't eat anything hard yesterday; in fact, everything I ate was soft. I had some macaroni and cheese, then I took my mom out and had boneless fried chicken and mashed potatoes, soup, and biscuits (we York Countians love our starch). Then I had a yogurt smoothie for a snack last night. What the hell?!

I've never had tooth problems before. My parents spent enough at the orthodontist to pay his whole mortgage, but the only thing my dentist has ever done for me besides cleaning--which he doesn't even do; he comes in after the cleaning, sticks his mirror in my mouth, and tells me my teeth are beautiful--is pull a baby tooth so I could get my braces on and fill in a little gap that was still there once my teeth were straightened. I've never had a cavity or anything. This is what happens when you get old!

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to the mothers who read my blog! Don't forget to stop over at Scentzilla! and Urban Chick today. Both are donating money to charities for each comment received.

Cold update: I can finally breathe out of both nostrils (for the most part), but I have now lost a lot of my hearing in my right ear (so much so that I can barely hear myself type) and am coughing so badly that Chris barged in the room last night because he thought I was choking. Yay!! Tylenol Daytime Cold has done a pretty good job of relieving me of my symptoms, but now I feel loopy as hell. I'm also exhausted since my neighbor woke me up while outside on the phone at 2:30 AM and then again at 5:00 AM. I seriously need to go live in the woods somewhere.

Thoughts

If you didn't watch The Office last night and don't what to know details, don't read this.

I had a lot of time to mull this all over since I couldn't sleep last night due to some lovely nasal congestion. First the non-Jim/Pam stuff:

Nitpick: Kevin has said his band is a Steve Miller cover band, but they're called Scrantonicity and they were doing a Police song.

I love Creed. I laughed when he said about the soup kitchen having good split pea soup on Thursdays and that he's never owned a refrigerator before.

I thought Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration was going to announce that he and Phyllis were getting engaged.

Jan wants to hit that again? Interesting...

Jim is totally the new Lloyd Dobler. Hopefully that doesn't mean John Krasinski will become doughy and make bad movies (sorry John Cusack!).

I was completely surprised about Jim and Pam. The writers of The Office would always give out fake spoilers so I never bothered reading into them. The only thing I knew going into this last night was that Jenna Fischer said that Jim and Pam weren't going to be in this summer's webisodes because it wouldn't make sense with what happened last night. I thought it was going to end with Pam standing alone in the parking lot, THEN I thought it was going to end with Pam on the phone with her mom.

I loved that Jim professed his feelings. It was about time for him to grow a pair and do that. The crying was excellent. My heart dropped to my stomach during that scene. And of course, I swooned at the kiss. I didn't see that coming. Someone on the boards pointed out that Jim called Pam's bluff and bet it all at the casino, and he was sort of doing the same thing here. He called her "I value our friendship too much" bluff and just went for it.

Where do things go from here? We obviously only heard one side of Pam's phone conversation (nice touch with having her on Jim's phone), but I'd like to think that her, "I think I am," was in response to a question about whether or not she is in love with Jim or about whether or not she is going to call the wedding off. We know that her mom already knows all about Jim because she asked Pam about him in season 2's "Sexual Harassment." I take the fact that she called her mom as a positive thing. It was like she wanted her mom to validate her feelings for Jim. I've done the same; not about relationships, but about other life decisions. Her response to the kiss, hesitant at first but then giving in, shows promise. All of these things make me squee.

Don't get me wrong; it was great to see that, but I'm worried that maybe this happened to soon. I think it's safe to say that the wedding won't happen, but will Jim transfer to Stamford? His conversation with Jan made it seem like he hasn't given her a definite answer yet (did anyone else think Jim and Jan were going to hook up?). My main concern is that there are at least 22 episodes left. I'm fine if Jim and Pam become a couple as long as they take it slow. I don't want the standard sitcom-my relationship for them (I'm looking at you, Ross/Rachael and Niles/Daphne). Part of the allure of the show is the unrequited love theme. I know when I tune in my main interest after the jokes is whether or not this will be a good Jim/Pam episode or a bad one. It's like being excited for a day at work or school when you're going to see your crush. If things go well you're on cloud 9 all day, but if they don't it ruins your week.

But what if, on the other hand, the writers decide to back off the Jim/Pam angle. I think that's impossible at this point. Pam may have doubted that Jim had feelings beyond friendship before, but there's no way that could happen now. If they do have Pam reject Jim (at least in the beginning) we'll lose some of the excellent Jim/Pan dynamic.

Pondering what ifs for 4 months isn't going to change anything. I trust the writers not to screw things up, and I'm anxiously waiting for September to see what happens with my favorite TV couple ever. The second season can't come out on DVD soon enough.

Holy Shit!

Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! OH. MY. GOD!

More tomorrow, bitches.

Tinfoil Hats, Sore Throats, and Makeovers

Well, well, well. Color me surprised. I'd love to be a fly on the wall to see what the reasoning was for letting Chris go. I don't think anything on this show is an accident. Simon and co. have lots invested in the winner (money included), so they're not going to take someone they don't want. He's better off though. I heard Bo's song on the radio the other day. Yikes.

To Chris's (my Chris, not AI Chris) delight, I'm sure, it hurts me like a bitch to talk today. Not great considering the majority of my job entails talking on the phone. This better be gone by my 4-day weekend next week!

McDonald's is getting a makeover. I remember when "my" McDonald's was redecorated in the 80s. They still have the pantings of pastel-colored swishes and the uncomfortable tan plastic booths with the backs of different shades of brown. There used to be a smoking section too. Remember when the tables at Wendy's were a newspaper print design? Ahhh, nostalgia.

Elvis

Argh! Busy morning!

Not an Elvis fan; not at all.

Taylor sucks so much. I don't understand the appeal.
Chris was decent tonight, but I still think JPL's version of "ALLC" was better. Rusty doesn't agree, but I loves me some JPL.
Elliott's first song was boring as usual, but I liked the second.
Katharine sounded bad.

Ryan calling Paula a stripper? Heh.

Going home? Elliott? Maybe Kat? It doesn't matter because it's just the means to an end, which is Chris.

Numbers

Say what you will about Idol, but you can't deny that it's a force to be reckoned with. Look at the jump in sales for the following albums after the artists appeared on American Idol (from Entertainment Weekly):

Stevie Wonder, A Time to Love
Before Idol: 2,900
After Idol: 5,500
Increase: 90%

Queen, Greatest Hits
Before Idol: 6,000
After Idol: 14,000
Increase: 133%

Barry Manilow, The Greatest Songs of the Fifties
Before Idol: 32,000
After Idol: 78,000
Increase: 144%

Shakira, Oral Fixation Vol. 2
Before Idol: 11,000
After Idol: 81,000
Increase: 636%

AI is close to reaching Oprah-like levels.

I know the songs for tonight but I won't bother to comment on any except Chris doing "A Little Less Conversation." Oh no you di'n't! That song belongs to JPL, bitch!

Weekend Update

On Saturday I cleaned the house, got a good amount of reading done (I'm reading Janet Evanovich To the Nines--it's fluff), watched The World According to Garp (I was very disappointed, and I may have shouted "That's bullshit!" at the end. I know it's hard to make a 500+ page book into a movie but the whole thing just felt disjointed), and then made dinner. After dinner Chris and I watched (I half-watched) JFK and during that I knitted for about 1.5 hours straight. I had been neglecting my knitting, but I picked it up again while I was bored at work on Friday. My work project is a dishcloth (I'm aiming for something small) and my home project is a scarf. I'll have to post pictures sometime.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store where I spent a massive amount of money. I decided to try Gruyere cheese not realizing it was $8! This better be the best damn cheese I've ever eaten. After lunch Rusty and I went on a hike. We did about 2 miles or so. Then I came home and did some chores around the house, made dinner, and watched half of Snatch.

Dear Jackass:

Pennsylvania law: You can turn left on red if you are turning from one one-way street to another one-way street. Learn it, live it, love it. The whole line of cars behind you isn't beeping at you for fun.

It's Friday! Woot!

Feliz Cinco de Mayo! Margaritas y quesadillas a mi casa esta noche!

Last night while covering the front desk I got a call from a drug rep with a British accent. She was actually a snooty bitch, but she said, "Brilliant! Thanks!" at the end of the conversation. Hee! It went a little something like this,

"Can I please speak to Dr. S?"
In my mind: "Seeing as how it's 7:00 P.M. I'd say no."
What I said: "She's not here right now but she'll be in tomorrow morning, can I take a message?"

"Does she have voicemail?"
In my mind: "If she had voicemail would I have asked to take a message?"
What I said: "No she doesn't. I'll have to take a hand-written message."

"Will she call me back?"
In my mind: "How the fuck should I know? Probably not since you drug reps are parasitic and annoying as hell. And furthermore, I don't give a rat's ass."
What I said: "Unfortunately I can't guarantee anything, but I'll be sure to give her the message."

By the way, if you want to know why your medications are so expensive, it's because they pay doctors $200 to do a 30-minute survey. We won't discuss how many minutes I would have to work to make $200.

I'm liking where The Office is going! Not too many laughs last night (the fact that I was in a foul mood might have had something to do with that), but sometimes we need drama.

I'm so tired of ER being in Africa. We get it! Famine! Disease! Inadequate medical facilities! And wasn't I supposed to be spared from seeing Carter's confused expression on my TV screen every week? For an Africa episode this wasn't that bad, but I'd like to go back to Chicago to see Luka, please.

Zits is my favorite comic because it is an extremely accurate portrayal of the way my parents and I were when I was a teenager. Well, Jeremy does a lot less screaming, crying, and slamming doors than I did, but other than that... The last few have been about blogging. Check 'em.

New Office Tonight

I don't really have anything to write about except for the fact that a new episode of The Office tonight. It's called Conflict Resolution; the synopsis at NBC.com is pretty lame, and I know some people don't want to know too much, so if you're interested read this article.

Next week's episode is the super-sized season finale, written by Steve Carell. Casino Night starts at 9:20, so don't miss the beginning!

After next week I'm going to go into massive withdraw. I'm assuming the second season won't come out on DVD till around October, so I'll have to live with the British version and my first season US DVD. I'm already excited for season 3!

Faces of Meth

I saw this on Pop Culture Junk Mail; it's before and after mug shots of people who use meth. It's haunting and heart-breaking. Some of the thumbnails don't match up with the pictures, but the one that struck me was the thumbnail on the bottom row in the middle (one of the thumbnails that doesn't match up). The guy looks pretty built, and then only 2 months later is gaunt and frail. The woman in the middle of the second row aged 30 years in 3.

Faces of Meth

Year of Birth/Current Billboard

Elliott - On Broadway: We missed his first performance because we were getting Aloha Snows. He didn't sound so hot in the recap though.
Paris - Kiss: I like Paris and she was good with this song, but it's not really a singer's song if that makes any sense. It doesn't showcase one's vocals.
Chris - Renegade: STYX!!!!! I thought he did a really good job. This was my favorite of the night, although it was pretty much the only song of the night that I like so take that for what it's worth.
Katharine - Against All Odds: Is this Scott Savol memorial night?! I thought she was sharp the whole time. Sharp musically, that is. She ain't all that.
Taylor - Play that Funky Music: Shut up and go away, Taylor. It's not charming to fall on the floor. It was charming why Ryan did it though.
Elliott - Home: Zzzzz... What? Oh, I'm sorry. I love Elliott but I've yet to not be bored by one of his performances. He was cute when he got all confused at the end though.
Paris - Be Without You: I don't really like that song and didn't think she was that great doing it. Did they bleep her? Why? I'm not aware of any cuss words in that song. And if there were, why would they let her sing a part with swearing? I'm donning my tinfoil hat... And WTF was the outfit? A camo blouse, a thick red belt with a bit butterfly buckle, and silver gauchos. Kids these days...
Chris - Some assy song: Chris has the WORST taste in music (besides Johnny Cash and Styx). Of all the songs currently on the charts, he has to find the one that sounds the most late 90s/early 00s-ish. I thought he did well, but I'm sort of sick of him.
Katharine - You can lead a horse to a cherry tree but you can't make him not sound like ass: That was...odd... I would have liked it if I didn't have the visual to go along with it, but I was distracted by the floor humping. I'm sure Not Dim was too, but in a different way.
Taylor - Something: I call shenanigans!! How the hell can they let him sing a Beatles song? And I thought the Beatles weren't licensing their songs for this show. Taylor is such a tool.

I'm not sure who's going home tonight. Paris? Katharine? Frankly my dears, I don't give a damn.

Headlines

Mandy Moore said in a radio interview that her first album sucked and she will offer refunds. I loved Mandy in Saved and American Dreamz. She was the least popular of the young, blonde, pop singer quartet in the late 90s, but she has made the most out of herself. Maybe she hasn't had the most success, but I'd say her career (acting, anyway) has the highest chance of longevity.

We have another case of a diner finding a finger piece in food, this time at TGI Friday's. As a former food service worker, I cannot fathom how you could not realize your finger was cut off. Besides, if you cut yourself that badly, why is the food you were preparing being served to customers? I sliced my finger very badly whilst cutting a bagel in an unsafe manner. Ok, full disclosure: I did the EXACT SAME THING two days in a row. I knew I was injured, I knew my finger was intact, and the bagel I was cutting obviously went into the trash. I was wearing a latex glove, as this guy should have been if he was mixing hamburger. Mmmm...hand hair hamburgers...

In Malaysia, a 33-year-old man married a 104-year-old woman; this is her 21st marriage. You go, girl!

Bitchfest and Other Randomness

I have a raging case of PMS.

Beyonce was in People's Beautiful People issue saying that if she weren't as beautiful, maybe people would notice her talent more. Honey, I hate to break it to you, but neither your looks nor your talent are that great. I want to punch her.

If Paris goes home tomorrow night, that does not mean America is racist, for christ's sake.

I hate entitled people.

I also hate needy people (emotionally needy, not poor).

I hate the people on my commute. Get out of the passing lane if you are going to go 65!!

Some random work shit is annoying the bejesus out of me, but I don't talk about work here.

I made asparagus for the first time last night using the recipe from Simply Recipes (which is a great site, by the way). It wasn't that great, but I think it's because of the asparagus. It was just olive oil, lemon zest, parmesan cheese, salt, and pepper, so I'm sure I screwed something up along the way.

I'm tired of the "trend" of celebrities adopting children from third-world countries. Hell, I'd rather live in Darfur than have Jessica Simpson as my mother.

I would be willing to drive out to LA to punch Taylor Hicks, and if the song choice spoilers I read are true, I just might.

I think we're all aware that gas prices are high, media. Please stop shoving it down our throats. And seriously, if you have an SUV, I don't wanna fucking hear it.

Last night I watched 2 half-naked sweaty men hugging. It was on "Walker, Texas Ranger."

Weekend Update

It's finally May; my favorite month!

My weekend wasn't too exciting. On Friday my mom and I went to get my early birthday present, a picnic table. It's a square with 4 little benches connected. On Saturday I sat at my new table and read The World According to Garp for a while. I highly recommend that book. Then Rusty came over and we ate dinner outside, went on a 3-mile hike, went to DQ (negating the hike), and watched The Office, parts of Law and Order, and about half of Say Anything. Yesterday I went to the grocery store, my dad came over to drill holes in the table to screw it together, and I sealed it.