Worst. Bank Robber. Ever.

"After being told by two bank tellers that they had no money to give him, a would-be bank robber became annoyed, vowed to file a complaint and left the bank Thursday morning, police say."

From the York Dispatch, Friday, November 14, 2008

Happy Election Day!

Simpsons Quotes

I've had this post simmering for a while, but considering I had a message at work today from a man named Seymour Butts (hand to God!), I figured now was a great time to post it. This is a list of my 10 favorite Simpsons quotes, in no particular order:

Mr. Burns: "Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes cost me the election, yet if I were to have them killed, I'd be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."

Skinner: "Nibbles, chew through my ball sack."

Kang: "Abortions for all."
[Half of crowd boos]
"Very well, no abortions for anyone.
[Other half of crowd boos]
Hmm...Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.
[Whole crowd cheers]

Shary Bobbins: "Hello Willie."
Lisa: "You know her?"
Willie: "Aye. Shary Bobbins and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country. Then she got her eyesight back. Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her."
Shary: "It's good to see you , Willie."
Willie: "That's not what you said the first time you saw me!"

Troy McClure: "Hi! I'm actor Troy McClure and you may remember me from such self-help videos as Smoke Yourself Thin and Get Some Confidence, Stupid."

Ned: [Walking up, singing] Bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the--oh my Lord! Something horrible has happened!
Homer: [Snickers, then laughs] Fooled you Flanders! Made you think your family was dead!

Ned: Oooh...That's quite a thing-a-ma-jigsaw! But it looks like you're missing a piece...
Homer: Looks like you're missing a wife!
Flanders: Heh heh. I walked right into that one.

Homer (singing to the tune of the Flintstones theme song): Simpson/Homer Simpson/He's the greatest guy in history/From the/town of Springfield/He's about to hit a chestnut tree!

Homer, in a video he made in which he describes Lisa: "My favorite book is magazines."

Homer: "Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!"
Homer's Brain: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!"
Homer: "Explain how!"
Homer's Brain: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services!"
Homer: "Woo-hoo!"

And a bonus:

Homer: "Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?"
Lisa: "No."
Homer: "Ham?"
Lisa: "No."
Homer: "Pork chops?"
Lisa: "Dad, those all come from the same animal."
Homer: "Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal."

Grass and Weed

Today is a day of great rejoicing!! My landlord, who had not mowed (mown?) our lawn for 5 weeks, finally mowed today!!!!!! The grass was up to my knees and the weeds were past my hip. Plus, I found a tick on my head while I was on the phone with Rusty last Saturday. Nasty!!

I'm leaving you with a joke I heard on the radio:

A man met a little girl and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. She replied that she wanted to be the first female president. He asked her what party she was going to belong to and she replied that she was going to belong to the Democratic party. The man asked her why she wanted to be a Democratic president and she replied that she wanted to help the homeless. The man told her that she didn't have to be the president to help the homeless; in fact, he was going to pay her $5 to clean up dog poo in his yard. He told her she could then go give the $5 to the homeless people to put toward a house. The little girl thought about this proposition for a little while and then asked, "Why don't you just have the homeless people pick up the poo and give them the money directly?" The man replied, "Welcome to the Republican party, my dear."

Chester Cheetah All Grown Up

I love "There's been an incident."

The Internet Party: What Happens When Google's Parents Leave Town for the Weekend?

LOL President

Chek dis owt, k thx: LOL President

Here Is Where the Title Should Be

This is funny: Oprah's favorite thing or symptom of clinical depression? I have nothing nice to write about because it's supposed to snow/ice yet again.

This "is" Funny

I found this blog today from the Pop Candy website: The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks. My personal favorites are:

Here: "Also, we barely know what's in hot dogs, I don't even want to think about what 'hot dogs' might contain."

Here: The lone quotation mark.

And here: WTF?

Speaking of grammar and punctuation, I bought a jar of pizza sauce made by a local company. The jar proclaims that the pizza sauce would be good on all my pizza's. Sigh...

Stuff

I can't wait for The Simpsons movie!! I don't know if I'll get to see it this weekend or not, but hopefully it'll be soon. I even put a Simpsons band-aid on the blister I got on my ankle when I went hiking wearing my shoes that are too small. It was about 15 years old and probably coated in bacteria which is probably the reason why I'm in excruciating pain every time I bend my ankle, but I had to keep with the theme.

Check out how much the Kwik-E-Mart 7-11s sold:

960,000 cans of Buzz Cola
1.1 million Squishees
880,400 Sprinklicious doughnuts
More than 3.4 million units of Simpsons swag

It's not surprising though. How can you resist a 3 for the price of 3 deal?

Speaking of my hiking, I think I might start running again. I ran a little bit on Sunday when I was out and it was fun. I couldn't run too far though, because I wasn't wearing a sports bra and I'm a little busty. It was like a scary, unsexy episode of Baywatch. I'll need to buy an MP3 player though; I can't run without music and I don't think bringing my Walkman along will do anything to increase my already hopelessly low coolness factor.

Check out this video of an entertainment reporter interviewing Holly Hunter. Awkward! Rusty, you probably shouldn't watch.

Shit! Why does YouTube randomly not let me embed videos sometimes?! Here's the link.

I started reading the first Harry Potter book. I'll let you know if it lives up to the hype.

HAHAHA

I've seen Lego Thriller and Indian Thriller, but I think Filipino inmate Thriller takes the cake.

Simpsons

This is a video of a bunch of Simpsons couch gags. One of my favorite is the second one: the family playing musical chairs and Homer losing. I love his dejected look.

Five Minutes to Kill (Yourself)

Check out this hilarious game at Adult Swim's website. You're an office worker who is trying to get out of a meeting so you talk to your coworkers and use items in the office to try to kill yourself during the five-minute time limit.

Yikes!

This made me laugh out loud. In the first picture you see a mug shot of a drunk driver. Nothing too amazing, but you can tell that something is amiss. Then you click on the second page and see the profile view...

Public Service Announcement

I Love Weird Al

Back in the day I was a huge fan of Weird Al. My interest waned for the past decade or so, but I love his new song "White and Nerdy." I was looking on YouTube for some of his classic videos and found this hilarious "interview" with Eminem. Enjoy!



And another funny one with Michael Stipe:



And while I'm posting every video that exists on YouTube, I might as well post the aforementioned "White and Nerdy."