TV Updates

Yes, The Office is ending in March, but all of the episodes will air. I actually like that better because that means that there will be no more pre-empting going on. I hope that this means the DVD will come out sooner, because I'm ordering that the second it becomes available.

Arrested Development's last 4 episodes will air in a two-hour block on February 10, the same night as the opening ceremonies. Way to go, FOX.

Sean Hayes winning the SAG award? Ummm...

Roots

Unfortunately they cut it off before, "The donations are for both dances; both equally good dances."

Jen the Ripper

I'm officially a serial killer. R.I.P. Dwight.

The Twilight Zone, 2002 Version

I was searching online for information on the original version of "The Twilight Zone" after the New Year's Eve/Day marathon and came across a 2002 version that aired on FX. I heard it sucked, but it's a clusterfuck of actors I like--Jason Bateman, Portia de Rossi, Jason Alexander, Linda Cardellini, and Patrick Warburton, just to name a few. I thought to myself, "How bad could it possibly be?" By now I should know that whenever I think that, I should just go ahead and gouge my eyes out right away.

The first episode was called "The Lineman," and it featured Jeremy Piven, who I love because he's BFF with John Cusack. In "The Lineman," Jeremy Piven is a telephone line repairman who is ordered by his boss, a hot woman with a college degree (this will be important later), to go fix a line during the rain because Accuweather says there isn't supposed to be lighting. You can guess what happens next. Mr. Piven gets struck by "special lighting." Cut to an ER scene that makes me wish Eriq La Salle were in this episode so he could kick everyone's ass. Now Jeremy is able to read people's thoughts, but apparently only when it is convenient to the storyline. Jeremy and his friend Buddy use his newfound powers to go gambling, stock trading, etc. Jeremy then wines and dines his boss, and because she went to college, she's only interested in him now that he has tons of money. Then Jeremy sees Buddy hugging hot boss and he goes postal on them. He decides to reverse the effects of the lighting, so he climbs back up on the pole and gets struck again (??) but surprisingly, that doesn't work. Some other stuff happened, but I missed it because I was reading the paper.

The next episode was called "Night Route" and featured Ione Skye, John Cusack's love interest in Say Anything. Basically, she was hit by a car and a bus keeps stopping by her and she thinks the bus is death but it's actually life and she was too scared to really live and was obsessed with her dog or some shit like that. This eppy made no sense; but I think it was trying to copy off the episode in the original where the guy's life sucks and he's on a train and gets off at a station that he dreams up but in actuality is just jumping off the train. I wanted to jump off a train after watching this.

The next episode was "One Night at Mercy." Jason Alexander, playing death, is brought to the ER after a suicide attempt and he decides he wants to quit. The doctor encourages him to do so until he sees how much people are suffering. Eventually the doctor begs Costanza to come back to work and he does and he shows the doctor his notebook and--DUN DUN DUN--the doctor's name is written in it and he dies.

"Cradle of Darkness" features some woman who goes back in time and is supposed to kill Adolf Hitler as a baby, but she keeps wussing out. James Remar (I've seen his penis) plays Hitler's dad, and he keeps going on about the Aryan nation, and I thought this chick would just kill James, because that's what I would have done, but she doesn't realize that Adolf acquired his hatred of Jews, homosexuals, etc. from his father. She eventually takes little Adolf and jumps off the bridge, killing them both. Unfortunately the nanny steals some hobo's baby so all of that girl's efforts were in vain. On a side note, even though World War II and the Holocaust were horrible, don't the people who sent her back in time realize that if she changes history, they will cease to exist? Did monkeys write this script? I'm sorry; I shouldn't offend monkeys like that.

"Dream Lover" was definitely the most ridiculous episode. It featured a graphic novelist who creates Shannon Elizabeth, who can't act her way out of a paper bag, although I realize that isn't why she gets cast. This episode isn't even worth recapping except to tell you about one particular scene, which made me very sad that I was watching this dreck alone. Shannon takes off in the novelist's jeep, and he runs after her and is somehow able to catch up with her at the gas station. The cable guy is inside the store and the novelist is yelling at Shannon and then he figures out that she is cheating on him with the cable guy. Do you know how he figures it out? Because there is a loop of cable in the back of the jeep. I felt my IQ drop a couple points when that happened. Eventually we find out that Shannon was actually the novelist and she created the guy, not the other way around. She then erases him, thankfully ending the episode.

"Evergreen" features Amber Tamblyn as a rebellious teenager. We know she's rebellious because she chews gum annoyingly and has her hair dyed wacky colors. Her family moves to a gated community and they give Amber lemonade that knocks her out and then they take her tattoos off. She meets some guy who has "a stash of MP3s, some Jack, and some weed buried in the woods." That guy gets taken away and turned into mulch, which is put around a tree planted in his memory. Amber tries to run away but tells her goody goody sister where she is going and shockingly her sister tells on her and then Amber is also turned into mulch, which her family spreads under her tree.

In "Shades of Guilt" a man is called a racist because he is driving at night in the city and he doesn't let some screaming guy who happens to be black into his car. The guy is killed and turns out to be a college professor; so, of course, white guy has to feel all guilty. White guy then becomes black (?) and ends up in the same situation the college professor was in, which we learn is being beaten up by skinheads. Fortunately, they don't make him put his jaw on the curb and pull an American History X. When he bangs on the windows, he is let in the car, and then their roles reverse again and they are themselves. Original black guy asks original white guy why he changed his mind, and OWG says it is because he walked a mile in OBG's shoes.

I might give the second disc a try, especially since Usher is in one of the episodes and I want to see that trainwreck. After all, renting movies that I would never spend money on is the main reason why I joined Netflix.

Dumb

Apparently Amy Fischer, Joey Buttafuoco, and his wife are going to have a televised reunion where they make up with each other.

Retraction

After visiting the Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing forums due to Rusty's comment on my last post, I would have to say that the worst names I have ever seen are Swastika, Genocide, and Aryan Justice.

Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing

Rusty and I like to frequent Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing, a website devoted to the horrendous names parents give their children. Being named Jennifer during a year when Jennifer was the most popular name, I personally don't understand the need to give one's children wacky! unique! names. I think it would be a lot more traumatic and/or annoying to have people constantly screw up your name (and I know this because of my last name) than to have the same name as a couple of other people. I don't think it stifles one's individuality to have the same name as a couple other people. I was not like most of the other Jennifers I knew; we didn't become Children of the Corn-like clones because we happened to have the same name. I suppose it's the teachers who suffer the most. Not only do they have to remember all the children's names, but they also have to remember that one child is Brittney, one is Britny, and one is Brrrii'tennnae.

*EDITED*

SWEET!!!!!!!!!

BURBANK, Calif. -- January 22, 2006 -- NBC has rewarded "My Name Is Earl" (Thursdays, 9-9:30 p.m. ET) and supplied "The Office" (Thursdays, 9:30-10 p.m. ET) with full-season orders of 22 episodes each through the 2006-07 season, it was announced today by Kevin Reilly, President, NBC Entertainment.

"The strength of the ratings and performance and the quality of these two shows make this a very easy decision," said Reilly. "We are confident that these comedies will only continue to increase in popularity."

More Semi-Ho

Dear Sandra Lee:

Marinate = verb
Marinade = noun

Learn it, live it, love it.

The Office: Saving My Sanity

I'm having trouble with the water company again, but luckily for them The Office was on last night. My favorites:

Dwight: Do you think you can handle it?
Ryan: I think I can.
Dwight: Do you think or do you know?
Ryan: I think.

Malfeasance for malfeasances's's sake.

Michael making his hair look like Jim's: priceless.

The ball's in Pam's court. Let's hope she doesn't screw it up.

In Case You're Interested

Idol twins charged with forgery, theft.

Sims 2: Open for Business

I love The Sims. Chris got me The Sims 2 for Christmas last year, but my POS can't support it so it's only installed on his computer and he's very particular about it. He makes me look laid back. I haven't played in a while; not since he formatted his computer, thus deleting the game and all of my houses and families. Let me tell you how happy that made me. Anyway, I just found out about Open for Business, which should be coming out soon. This, along with the University expansion pack, should keep me entertained for oh, the rest of my life.

I do have one pet peeve though. I'll make me, and in a very short amount of time I will have a marvelous house, be the CEO of my company, and make $500 a day. Something's wrong with this picture.

Hee! People found my blog by searching for "NKOTB discography" and "cilantro palpatations."

WTF?

I had yet another of my strange-ass dreams last night. I was hanging out with Lindsay Lohan (???) and I asked her who her accountant was. Now, if this had been real life, I would have asked her if she seriously thought we didn't know she was using cocaine during the time she lost 50 pounds in 2 days.

Yay!

Congrats, Steve Carell, for winning a Golden Globe.

Dedications

To the person who found my blog by searching for John Wilsbach: It's nice to know I'm not the only person in Central PA who has an irrational love of this man, which was cemented when he said that he only goes to the Farm Show to watch the cows pee on people. To the person who found my blog by searching for Greg Iles Blood Memory ending: Shame on you! Read the book yourself. Unless, of course, you were Googling this because you abhorred the way it ended and were trying to make sure you weren't alone. To the person who found my blog by searching for Jim and Pam The Office: You have excellent taste in television programming.

To the person who found my blog by searching for John Krasinkski: Please spell my future husband's name correctly.

To the person who found my blog by searching for Sandra Lee sucks: I know, I know

To the person who found my blog by searching for listen to the cure just like heaven free download: Cool taste in music, but you should pay for the song since The Cure isn't a bunch of money-grubbing fame whores.

Four

I was tagged by Feather.

Four Jobs You Have Had In Your Life
Bank Teller (my drawer was only right one day)
Dietary Aide at a hospital
Personal Care Assistant at an assisted living facility
Family Advocate

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
Pulp Fiction
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
The Princess Bride
Office Space

Four Places You've Lived
south York
east York
a little farther east York
Shippensburg

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
The Office
Good Eats
Family Guy
The Simpsons

Four Places You've Been On Vacation
Myrtle Beach, SC
Niagara Falls
New York City
Washington, DC

Four Of Your Favorite Foods
steak
hard-shelled crabs
cheese fries
roasted broccoli

Four Places You'd Rather Be Right Now
London
Hawaii
home
Boston

Four Sites I Visit Daily
The Weather Channel
The Smoking Gun
Go Fug Yourself
Television Without Pity

Four Bloggers I Am Tagging
I won't tag. If you want to do it, do it.

Tomorrow is D-Day

My name is Jenny G, and I am an American Idol addict.
Hi, Jenny G!

Beginning tomorrow, Chris will become an American Idol widow, although that probably makes him happy. I just realized that there are 11 hours of auditions this year. 11!!! I know I shouldn't watch, especially considering what FUX did to Arrested Development, but I must! I live for drama! I have to swear to myself that I will not get caught up in it like I usually do. It's hard for me because I'm a sucker for a good conspiracy theory, and AI is rife with them.

Hell, the show hasn't even started and I've already donned my tinfoil hat because they have 14 people's names registered as domain names, and there is some talk about who the winner is going to be. Apparently one of the Simons made a comment about a guy from the south and Paula made a comment about a guy named Ace, who just happens to be from Texas. Regretting letting go of Bo much, 19E? Here's Ace's website. I went to it, prepared to hate this tool, but he's so pretty in that picture on the left. He looks like a less greasy, less ass-chinned version of Constantine. Also, rumor has it that a fellow TWoP-er made it pretty far, so there may actually be some inside dirt.

I will try to keep the AI posts to a minimum, and you now have my official winner prediction as Ace.*

*I reserve the right to change my prediction after seeing the auditions.

Questions Answered

I have pondered the existence of God for the past 10 years or so. I finally figured out yesterday that there is no way that there could possibly be a god. I can understand god allowing fires, floods, famines, natural disasters, and wars to happen. What I refuse to accept is a god who could be so angry and vengeful as to allow Kevin Federline's new song, Popozao, which apparently means "bring yo ass" in Portuguese, if you trust Kevin's knowledge of foreign languages, to exist. How could you not trust a guy who wants to see your kitty and a little bit of titty? Titty? Seriously? I have to give it to Kevin for being groundbreaking as I've never heard anyone over the age of 15 say titty. You know it's pretty bad when your own wife makes fun of your album.

There is no God.

Also, please be sure to check out Kevin's official website.

Just a Suggestion

The other day I was eating Club Crackers, and I noticed that on the back of the box there were pictures of crackers with stuff on top of them: ham, cheese, and mustard; peanut butter and apple; and cream cheese and olive (nasty). At the bottom were the words "Serving suggestions." Now, I know this isn't a new thing, but our society is becoming dumber, and this sort of thing is enabling that. In the case of these crackers, I can understand looking at the box and thinking, "Ham, cheese, and mustard would be good on a Club Cracker; I should try that." But is it really necessary to clarify that this is a serving suggestion? Do people really think that these extra ingredients are inside the box? Are there people who have been disappointed when they open their box of cereal and don't find milk and strawberries included?

There is also another dimension to the stupidity. When Bush Baked Beans has a picture of their beans poured into a bowl, is it really necessary to say that that is a serving suggestion? I know that sometimes I have trouble thinking up ideas for dinner, but are people really that uninspired that they can't come up with the brilliant idea of opening the can and pouring its contents into a bowl? I think things have gotten out of hand with warnings and labels, and I don't remember it being like this when I was growing up.

Best Book Ever? Till the End...

A coworker of mine bought Blood Memory by Greg Iles and gave it to me on December 30 to read. I started the 764-page book on January 3 and finished it last night. I couldn't put this damn book down! Most of what I read is mystery, and this is probably the best mystery I have ever read. It's hard to make a novel like this not be predictable, but Mr. Iles did a very good job.

I wouldn't recommend it to sensitive readers as child sexual abuse and murder are two major themes. I've often thought that I lack the part of the brain that causes people to be disturbed, but there were times when I had to cringe as I read.

That being said, I hated the ending. I won't discuss it so as not to give anything away, but I was pissed when I finished because of how contrived it was. Regardless, if you're looking for a good thriller, pick this up.

Grrrr

I'm afraid that I might need to be bailed out of jail before this day is over. These have been 2 very shitty days, and today isn't even that far along. Yesterday I had no internet connection at work, which makes it next to impossible for me to do anything. And I couldn't even look at websites, which amounted to a very boring day. When I get home I find a 10 day water shutoff notice on my door. If you know me and my OCD tendencies, you know that I would never pay a bill late. The notice said I refused them entry to sign an application for service. Don't you usually do that when you sign up, not 1 year after you sign up? I called them today and they said that notice wasn't meant for me, it was meant for the rear of the house. Well, the rear of the house is my back door which leads to my laundry room. They guy, who was a jackass, was like, "It's not for you." So you put a shutoff notice on my door, making me look like some deadbeat who doesn't pay my bills, and then you're an ass to me? When I asked him to double check my account to make sure I wasn't going to be without water in 10 days he's like, "I said I already did. It's not for you." I can't decide if I should write a letter or not.

On my way to work this morning I got behind not 1, not even 2, but 3 garbage trucks as well as a school bus. Then when I got to work there was a bunch of bullshit to take care of in addition to the fact that I was still unable to use my own office due to the internet issues. The only think I really cared about this morning was calling them at 8:30 and getting this straightened out. Things seem to be looking up though. I am now back at my own desk, which is a godsend because I'm anal and need my stuff to be just so. Also, the post office amazingly had 2 cent stamps so I can send my bills out so I don't get legitimate shut off notices on my door.

If you don't hear from me on or shortly after the 23rd, please assume that I am incarcerated after waking up to no water and going to the York Water Company and putting the smack down.

*Update: I just got a notice from our HR person saying our insurance rates have gone up. Just great.

Country Boys

I'm going to check this out. It's on PBS at 9 tomorrow, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

It's the Chronic- what! -cles of Narnia

Chris and I went to see The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe on Wednesday night, and it was incredible. We were lucky and had the whole theater to ourselves, so we didn't have to deal with any of the usual movie-going asshattery. If the cinematographer of this movie doesn't win an Oscar, then I've lost all faith in the Academy. The scenery was gorgeous, the CGI was realistic-looking and not at all distracting, Lucy was adorable, and the screenplay was well-written. The main complaints I have read about the movie are plot holes, the Christian themes, the dialog, and the pace. Obviously the plot holes have more to do with the book than the movie, so we'll ignore that argument. Yes, the book is a Christian allegory, but so what? Animal Farm was an allegory of the events of the Soviet Union in the early 1900s. Why is the religious allegory bad and the political one isn't? I don't know why people are getting so hopped up over religion lately. I thought the dialog was realistic to children in London in the first half of the 20th century; it's not like this movie takes place today. These points were coming from people on the IMDB boards, and they don't always seem to be the sharpest knives in the drawer. As far as the pace, it's not like I'm the authority on this sort of thing, but as a person who is constantly looking at her watch during movies, I did not find myself doing that once during this particular movie. As someone who had read the book, I could have done without the beginning World War II scenes and the children's subsequent trip out of London, but I think that was important for someone who has not read the books.

Children might find this movie to be a little intense, especially if they aren't familiar with the book or don't understand that it follows the events of the Bible. *Spolier* For example, it may be upsetting to them when Aslan is killed if they aren't aware that he will be resurrected. There isn't a lot of gore, but there is a big war. Chris made the comment that he wishes Disney hadn't produced this movie so that the battle scenes could have been done a little better. I don't agree because the books are children's books; therefore, the movie should be a children's movie. I don't think blood and guts would have improved upon anything. I can't write this without commenting on the acting abilities of the children. All of the children, especially Georgie Henley, who plays Lucy, and Skandar Keynes as Edmund, were excellent. I found all of them to be significantly less irritating than Dakota Fanning and Haley Joel Osment, and I think they have futures ahead of them in the business. I would strongly recommend this movie, as well as the books.

La Oficina

Damn you, The Office! I was spoilered (is that a word?) that Jim was going to tell Pam his true feelings this week. I'm not too worried about the Roy/Pam re-engagement because he was drunk. I hope Jim takes Michael's words to heart. My favorite scene was when Roy says something about Pam being artsy-fartsy and wearing turtlenecks and Katie says, "That's hilarious!" and Jim says, "It's not hilarious," because that's totally something I can see happening in real life. The people who were popular in high school hang on to that for dear life, but other people are able to move on and realize that there is life after high school. How much longer till next Thursday at 9:30?

Thinking Back

If anyone would have asked me if anything interesting happened in 2005, my first instinct would have been to say no. But now that I think back, a few interesting things did happen. 2005 began with excitement about moving to our new house. I, in a typical lapse of reason, decided that Christmas Eve would be a great time to go grocery shopping. I drove all over York trying to find a grocery store that wasn't full. Finally, about to give up, I remembered the dinky Food Lion near our apartment. I decided to go a back way instead of driving down the main drag. I was stopped at a light at a barber shop and noticed a sign up for a condo for rent. I jotted down the phone number and didn't think anything of it until later when I decided to call. Chris and I made an appointment to check the place out and I fell in love with it right away. We were living in a tiny, ghetto, one bedroom apartment with an apartment washer/dryer combo that were were paying $30 a month to rent since I'm a germophobe. This was a two-story, two bedroom house that had been gutted and had brand new everything, including a full-sized washer and dryer. We paid our security deposit and were told we could move in on February 1st. There is no comparison between these places.

2005 also began with me vowing to get the hell out of my old job. I don't want to go into too many details about it since I work for the same company, but I've never been screwed so badly in my life. It had come to the point where I was literally thinking, "If I die, I won't have to go to work tomorrow." Things had a way of working themselves out, and I was able to get this job which took a huge weight off my shoulders. No more wishing I would die!

2005 found me quitting smoking as well. Say what you will about the technicality of the word quit, but I think it's pretty good that I'm down to 1 a day, if that, after smoking over a pack a day for 6 years, without the help of the patch or the gum or anything.

I also took major steps towards getting rid of the funk that I've been in for literally half my life. It's a long story, but I've realized that we control our own moods for the most part and that it was time for me to snap the fuck out of it. I'm not a Stepford wife now, but things are going pretty well in my brain.

Which brings me to my resolutions:

1. Quit smoking for real.
2. Eat healthier (to me this means eating less processed food, i.e. giving up those evil Lean Cuisines that I don't really like anyway, not buying white bread anymore (even if it's X-treme), etc.)
3. Read more.
4. Continue working on my cognitive-behavioral issues.
5. Exercise more (Rusty, we should do that hiking thing we were going to do last summer!)
6. Working on easing up on some of my OCD tendencies.

Quickies

Today was busy as hell, but I didn't really have to deal with any assholes.

I forgot to make my coffee this morning.

I finished Cuckoo's Nest; it was so awesome! Such a bittersweet ending.

Arrested Development was excellent tonight, but it'll probably be the last :(

A new episode of The Office is on Thursday!

On Being Indecisive...

People Magazine recently mailed me something offering me their student rate plus 3 free iTunes downloads if I resubscribed. Being a complete sucker for celebrity gossip, I went for it. Now, if you know me at all, you know how indecisive I am. I hate shopping in general, but I really hate doing it by myself because I need someone with me to tell me what to buy. I put off choosing my songs because I knew it would take me over an hour to do it. It had to fit a bunch of criteria: it had to be a song I like, but one that I wouldn't be willing to buy a whole album just to listen to. It also had to be a song that I won't get sick of quickly and one I don't hear on the radio all the time, as well as a song that I don't already own or have downloaded (legally, of course).

I came across an iMix called Cool Cheese 80s. I already own most of these songs, and I resent my music taste being called cheesy. There was also a Boys' Night Out iMix. I knew that I like a lot of gay man music, but I didn't realize just how much. The first clue should have been a couple years ago when one of my gay coworkers used to make me mixed CDs all the time.

After over an hour of browsing, searching, getting pissed at the store's layout, and listening to clips I'm all ready to check out when I realize I have 5 free downloads, not 3. Most people would be happy about this, but I got stressed out.

Here's what I got:

Yazoo - Only You -A prime example of my love of gay man music. This was the song that was playing when Tim and Dawn got together in the British version of The Office. Vince Clark left Depeche Mode in '81 to form Yazoo and this song was originally meant for DM. Vince later joined Erasure, another group that I like.

Gwen Stefani - Luxurious - I loathe Gwen Stefani which makes it really hard for me to accept the fact that I like this song. It's actually good though! I can justify it by reminding myself it was a free download and that I didn't give any money towards Gwen and Gavin, their loveless marriage, and their fetus.

The New Kids on the Block - My Favorite Girl - I was the biggest NKOTB fan back in the day and their songs still bring the nostalgia. When most people think of NKOTB, they automatically think of Hangin' Tough or The Right Stuff. Those people are just posers. I would argue that My Favorite is one of the best in the NKOTB discography. How can you not love a song that has Nintendo-esque noises in the bridge?

The Cure - Just Like Heaven - This is one of my favorite Cure songs, and the only versions I own are a remix and a live version so I figured I should have the original. As much as I love The Cure, I don't have any plans to complete my collection in the near future, so that justified this selection.

Toto - Hold the Line - I got this song because I'm a loser.