OMG!!!!!

Chris and I saw this a few years ago on some public access channel, and when we told people about it they didn't believe that it existed. It has finally found its way to YouTube.

Seriously?

Florida Boy Arrested for Passing Gas

HELP!

I have 5 grays! Should I pluck them?! Not only that, but they stick straight up in the air defiantly, as if to say, "You're not young anymore: you're pushing 30, your 10-year high school reunion is coming up, your hip hurts when you sit in one position too long, spicy food gives you heartburn, you're practically blind without your glasses, you get mail from AARP, a kid at work thought you were 60, you think the "music" that kids these days are listening to is noise, you reminisce about getting gas for 89 cents a gallon, and you talk about how much different things were back in your day."

Miscellaneous

A coworker did Reiki on me the other day. It was nice, but I wouldn't pay $75 for it. I'm not a spiritual person at all, but let me tell you, I was extremely relaxed on the drive home. So relaxed, in fact, that I pulled into my driveway and didn't remember driving home at all. One of the things she told me is that the spirits demanded that she tell me to relax, so I'm going to work on relaxing more. My goal is to be like Peter in Office Space, but with a little less money laundering.

Speaking of not worrying, I just found out on Thursday night that they are creating an office manager job that would be perfect for me. The person would supervise support staff, do some HR, and generally make sure the York, Harrisburg, and Lancaster offices run smoothly. I already am essentially the office manager in Harrisburg, but I don't have the authority to do anything or the pay of a supervisor. Plus, I should probably have some kind of supervisory experience if I want to get a full-time library job that pays more than minimum wage. I'm pretty sure I'd be qualified to do this (my current supervisor doesn't even have a Bachelor's degree), but my fear is that they are transferring me to a job that no one else in-house would be able to do, and they might not want to go through the hassle of hiring and training someone else. I really want this though, so wish me luck!

My hatred of PETA knows no bounds, but they've really done it this time. They are asking Ben and Jerry's to use human breast milk instead of cow's milk in their ice cream. WTF?!?! First of all, no offense to all the mothers out there, but that is fucking disgusting. Second of all, you don't mess with my Ben and Jerry's. This idea is so ludicrous for a variety of reasons that I'm not going to mention because anyone with two brain cells to rub together (in other words, people who aren't members of PETA) can see how flawed it is. It's so stupid that I'm wondering if it's a joke.

I just finished Season 2 of Dexter and I sent an e-mail to March since he wants to talk about it...still haven't heard back. Where are you Maaaaaach?!

In other TV news, I completely forgot to watch The Office premier on Thursday night. I guess that takes it off my list of the top 10 shows. I did watch it on Hulu and it was good, but I still think the magic that they had in the first two seasons is gone. I won't talk about any specifics since some people may not have watched it, but right now I much prefer 30 Rock. I loved season 1, and season 2 is coming out on October 7 and is on my queue.

A Tale of Two Days

While Rusty was meeting Jason Castro (I knew I should have gone to D.C.!), I was having the front door of my house kicked in. Luckily nothing was stolen. My landlord thinks it was a kid who lives in another one of his apartments who is mad because he and his mother are being evicted. So because some white trash piece of shit can't pay her fucking rent, I get my house vandalized.

Work Drama

I don't usually post about work here because two of my co-workers are also MySpace friends and I link to my blog on my MySpace, but they already know about this and if anyone else finds it, they can go screw. Our company is being bought out by another, much richer company. It has been described by myself and other equally cynical co-workers as a sugar daddy situation where we're spreading our legs and taking it.

Last Friday, before I went to Rusty's, I received an e-mail that said, "Please note attached memo regarding weekly time sheets and the attached time study form that you are to utilize starting on Monday, April 28th. Thanks for you assistance in this matter."

At first I ignored it because I thought it had to do with people who submit time sheets to get paid. Then I read it more closely and read the attachments. One was this (partly paraphrased): "We totally fucked up in our last merger; therefore, we find it necessary to continue to assess various administrative needs within the agency along with the skill set of specifically identified staff members. This is being done in an effort to ensure smooth and affective [sic] operations in each program area. With this in mind, we have identified a number of staff who will be expected to complete a weekly time sheet of daily activities starting on April 28, 2008 until further notice.

Since you personally received this email, please assume that you have been selected to complete the attached time sheet. The time sheet must be thoroughly completed every week and submitted to X by 12:00 every Monday. The sheets will be reviewed by management on a weekly basis to get a better sense of what functions are occurring effectively and efficiently and what areas of concern have surfaced that need to be appropriately addressed. Questions that might arise through the weekly reviews will be addressed with you personally. If you have any specific questions/concerns, please feel free to direct them to our attention. [this will be important later] We want to thank you in advance for helping us complete this assessment which we feel will serve to strengthen our ongoing operations."

By the way, my supervisor didn't even know about this till I forwarded it to her with a WTF?! message attached.

Also attached was an Excel spreadsheet with days of the week across the top and half-hour increments on the side; the squares are approximately 2 square inches each.

This e-mail came from one of our VPs who is not directly over me and who, when I left the York office to go to Harrisburg, called me into her office and said, "Don't start slacking because you're leaving York." You all don't know me, but I am extremely diligent, precise, and hard-working. I've never gotten bad grades or bad performance reviews at work. I did have some shortcomings at my position in the York office; however, many of them were beyond my control.

On several occasions I have brought my concerns to management and my co-workers have made it known to them that I'm extremely underutilized. Apparently management felt the need to treat us like children instead of giving us the opportunity to assess the "various administrative needs" of our position ourselves or discussing with management what we believe to be our "skill set." Here's another great idea. Maybe if we actually got the performance reviews that we're supposed to receive, those could be assessed to determine our fucking skill sets.

One of the other mental health agencies in our area recently closed, so now we're pretty much it, which means not only are we getting all of their clients, we're getting all the clients who would have gone to the other agency. In the first 9 days of April I had done 80 intakes; before this agency closed I usually averaged about 2-3 a day. So, since my workload is so high right now and since I was off for three days last week and since our computer system will be down from noon Monday until possibly Wednesday and since I do a job that was previously done by myself and another full-time employees and since this is the beginning of the month, which is when I have to do the billing, I e-mailed this VP and asked if I could hand my time study in late due to the fact that I felt it was a more effective use of my time to do work that requires use of the MIS while it's working rather than to fill our a time study.

No dice. But she doesn't respond to me directly, she tells the director of the program for which I work, who is also not directly above me, that I can hand it in on Friday (this past Friday) if I can't do it by Monday. WTF?!?!?!?! If I don't have time to fill out the time study by noon Monday, how is it helpful to allow me to hand it in three days earlier!? Apparently logic isn't in this woman's "skill set." God, I hate that phrase. The poor director got an earful and I had a meltdown. Luckily, the upside is that those are more accepted in a counseling agency than they would be in say, a law office (the downside is that everything you do or say is over-analyzed and you're given a diagnosis).

So, being the slacking employee that I am, I spend 4 hours this weekend doing work to play catch-up. And you better believe I made it known on my time study sheet (I made up my own instead of the shitty one they supplied, thank you very much.)

File this one under it's time to look for a new job. At least my resume is updated.

In the News

There is a lot of ridiculousness going on lately. Two things from the paper today:

"New Haven, Conn.--Contraband candy has led to big trouble for an eighth-grade honors student in Connecticut.

Michael Sheridan was stripped of his title as class vice president, barred from attending an honors student dinner and suspended for a day after buying a bag of Skittles from a classmate.

School spokeswoman Catherine Sullivan-DeCarlo says the New Haven school system banned candy sales in 2003 as part of a districtwide school wellness policy."

Boys Tossed from Overpass.

WTF?!

Is the fact that Charmin is so durable it will stick to my ass supposed to be a selling point?! Why is the toilet paper on the side of the bear's ass?! Why is the other bear standing outside of the "bathroom" with a vacuum cleaner?! Look at the hose on the vacuum cleaner! Was there so much TP on the bear's ass that it's jamming the hose on the vacuum?!

York's in the National News Again...

Race riots, teaching intelligent design in science class, principal shootings, and now this...

Kinky Sex, Shocking Death

I'm not sure if I think he should be held responsible since his wife was a willing participant.

Never a Dull Moment

Chris took these videos of this guy outside our house yelling at the church next door.

The Good and the Bad

First the good. Two Ben and Jerry's flavors have pushed Phish Food out of my number one spot: Creme Brulee and Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. For weeks I debated getting the Creme Brulee, thinking it might be nasty, but I'm so glad I did. The texture of the caramelized sugar is perfect. Of course, it has been sold out for me since coffee is my absolute favorite ice cream flavor and I every week since I tried it. Coffee Heath Bar Crunch is a no-brainerloooove toffee. Of course, Vermonty Python, One Sweet Whirrled (which for some strange reason isn't in the list of current flavors or the flavor graveyard on their website; I know I didn't hallucinate it), Cherry Garcia, and Mint Chocolate Cookie (no green dye!) are also awesome. I've actually only had one flavor I didn't like: Chubby Hubby.

Now for the bad: There's going to be an Oprah store in Chicago.

B.: Per your request, a Knocked Up review is coming soon!

Only in America

It makes perfect sense to me that a counseling agency would have to make provisions for people who have disabilities such as being blind or deaf. Those are obviously legitimate disabilities that people can't change. According to PA law (and I'm sure all the other states) we also have to provide an interpreter for people who don't speak English. "That's not so bad," you say. But take into consideration that the rate we have to pay an interpreter per hour is more than what Medical Assistance pays us for an hour of counseling, so essentially we're paying to treat these people. Plus, if a client doesn't show up, we still get charged for the hour, but we are legally not allowed to charge Medical Assistance clients a no-show fee.

We could be sued for refusing to treat these people; in fact, we could be sued for telling them that we don't have any Spanish-speaking counselors and referring them somewhere that does. Not speaking English isn't a disability. If you choose to live here and not learn our language, that's your prerogative, but don't expect to receive services that we have to pay for. We're a non-profit and we're in the red. Try going to France and expecting the same treatment.

Ummm...