Rainn on SNL

I didn't get to watch Rainn Wilson on SNL last night because I can't stay up that late, but I did catch the monologue on YouTube and it's pretty funny!



The digital short was funny too.

Office Musings

I didn't watch ER again last night. I think I'm over it.

I liked last night's Office better than the last few weeks. I loved Dwight inspecting the house, although I could have done without the creepy part where he sat in the kid's bedroom.

For some reason I chuckled at the end of the cold open when Michael was sitting there in the straight jacket and chains with his hair all messed up. Another thing I liked from the cold open was Kevin's little snicker when Michael mentioned bondage.

I liked all the Michael and Jan stuff and I LOVED when Michael asked for Splenda with his scotch because I can't stand alcohol that tastes like alcohol.

Awww, poor Toby.

Creed was awesome with the underage kids.

I liked Dwight telling the woman about the vein in the shrimp. I think about that every time I eat shrimp, although if the vein's there I usually eat it.

I'm glad Pam finally grew a pair.

Now we have a six-week hiatus.

Update

I haven't been writing a lot because I haven't had too much to write about, but here's a brief update.

Last Saturday I had some people over for an Office Season 1 marathon. Watching those 6 episodes make me long for the days when the show was less self-aware. Everyone looked bad back then, but in a good way, if that makes sense. When you spend 8 hours a day sitting under fluorescent light you look washed out and your will to live is sucked away. I speak from experience. Now the actors look like actors wearing less make-up. The humor was more subtle back then too. It's hard to notice the difference if you haven't seen those episodes in 2 years, but it's really apparent when you go back through. The last 2 episodes were decent; I probably liked Phyllis's wedding the best. I didn't watch ER either week because it's getting boring and I preferred to read instead.

Last Tuesday I got up and looked out my window and it wasn't snowing at all, but by the time I left the ground had a coating. I did the work I could do for Wednesday and Thursday and left at 1:30. The roads were really bad both ways which left me wondering why I saw PennDot go by our house 3 times the night before we had a dusting of snow a few weeks ago, yet not one truck went by our house to salt the roads Monday night. Fucking PennDot. When I got home from work on Tuesday I had a margarita, ate chips and guacamole, and watched Arrested Development.

I called the office at around 6 AM on Wednesday and heard the most glorious sentence ever, "Our office will be closed on Wednesday, February 14, due to the weather." Wednesday was not fun though. I spent hours trying to dig my car out, which involved getting down on my hands and knees and chipping the ice behind my tires with an ice scraper. I have the bruises on my legs to prove it. My car was stuck for a while but finally Chris came out and had it cleared in about 5 minutes. After our landlord's plow guy finished our parking area it was a lake which ended up freezing into a smooth sheet of ice.

Just a quick note about American Idol: who the hell are the people in the top 24? I know who about 4 of them are and I'm very underwhelmed with the people I've never seen before.

On Thursday morning I woke up with every muscle in my body screaming. My supervisor called me and told me not to come in. I was going to go into the York office, but when I went out to see what the roads were like I slid through a red light. Luckily no one was coming. It was a sunny day so by noon the roads were a little better. I HAD to get out of the house so I went to the grocery store. The rest of the day was spent being a sloth.

Did you hear about the motorists who were stranded for about 20 hours on the interstate and the National Guard had to come in to given them gas, food, and baby supplies? You know, the story about how the onramps to the interstate weren't closed till Thursday even though there were already 50-mile backlogs? That was pretty close to here; in fact, it's on the way to my friend's house. Thanks, PennDot!

On Friday I was determined to go to work even if I had to walk. I love Chris, but 2 days snowed in with him was about to make me put an axe through the door and yell, "Heeeeeeere's Johnny!" My voicemail was more than 80% full and I worked my ass off from the time I walked in the door till the time I left, even through lunch. While I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off the receptionist sat at the front desk reading, paying her bills, and talking on the phone to her family, even though much of the work I was doing was stuff that she should have done on Thursday. So in other words, just a normal day at the office. Only 1 client showed up all day. I left the office at 4:05 and didn't get on 83 (which is about 4 blocks away from work) until 4:43. I didn't get home until about 5:25 and was going to end up hurting myself or others if it had taken any longer.

Yesterday I decided to go to Target and Home Depot to get a pair of boots, windshield washer fluid, and a metal shovel. When I went to leave, the church's plow guy was out with his backhoe so I couldn't get out at the top of my driveway. I asked my neighbor if I'd be able to get out the back way and he said yes because "Dennis goes out that way." I don't know who the hell Dennis is, but he obviously doesn't drive a small car like I do. As I drove back that unplowed lane I heard scraping noises that you really don't want to hear while you're driving. They were so bad that I'm afraid I did some serious, and expensive, damage to my car. Target had no boots, but if I had wanted flip flops I would have had several styles and colors to choose from. They also had no shovels, but they had any gardening implement or outdoors party game I could have possibly wanted. I went to Home Depot and I only saw plastic shovels that were crappier than the shovel I already have. I walked around the store for a bit but I saw neither shovels nor anyone to ask where the shovels were located, so I left.

I don't have any plans for today except to go get gas and pray that the ice didn't scrape some essential part of my car. I hope everyone had a good weekend and that no one has cabin fever too badly. It's supposed to be in the 40s and 50s next week and I couldn't be more excited!

For Rusty

Doesn't this make you want to move back? It's actually a gorgeous, sunny day here but it was so bright I couldn't see the screen and I couldn't fix the blue tint because I don't know how to use the camera.

This is where our recycling bin was sitting.

My Favorite Love Songs

I hate Valentine's Day. It's a Hallmark holiday that sets unrealistic expectations, depresses single people and people in bad relationships, and encourages the idea of money equaling love. I do, however, have a soft spot for love songs. Here are some of my favorites.

Lady by Styx - This song is dripping with Velveeta, but for some reason I would melt if someone ever sang it to me.

Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac - No one ever said they had to be happy love songs. "If I could/maybe I'd give you my world/How can I/When you won't take it from me?" Haven't we all felt this way when we were in the throes of unrequited love?

Somebody by Depeche Mode - "I don't want to be tied/to anyone's strings/I'm carefully trying to steer clear of those things/But when I'm asleep/I want somebody/who will put their arms around me/and kiss me tenderly/Though things like this/make me sick/in a case like this/I'll get away with it." This song is not only gorgeous with its simple piano accompaniment, but it perfectly sums up the way I feel about love and relationships.

Damaged People by Depeche Mode - This song is sad but sweet. It's a great song for people who have been burned in the past but are willing to give it another try. "We're damaged people/drawn together/by subtleties that we are not aware of/Disturbed souls/playing out forever/these games that we once thought we would be scared of"

Stories of Old by Depeche Mode - This song is about someone who is initially resistant to love but gives in at the end. It talks about the balance of being yourself yet being part of something larger.

I Want You Now by Depeche Mode - This is definitely a lust song rather than a love song, but I included it because Martin Gore's vocals perfectly capture the desperation of wanting and needing someone right at that moment.

Annie's Song by John Denver - This was one of my Guilty Pleasure Saturday submissions a few weeks ago. This is such a simple and sweet song and we could all be so lucky as to have someone write something like this for us.

Last Dance by The Cure - This is another love song that isn't happy, but love isn't always happy. If you've ever come across an old flame or the "one who got away" and you realize that that part of your life is over and you can never go back, you can relate to this song. "But Christmas falls late now/flatter and colder/and never as bright as when we used to fall/and even if we drink/I don't think we would kiss/in the way that we did/when the woman was only a girl."

Lovecats by The Cure - Even though this song was meant to be ironic and was written to mock the accusations that The Cure was a goth band, it's upbeat and it's fun. I love the silly cat sound effects, the scatting, and the way the melody darts all over the place like, well, cats. "We're so wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully/wonderfully pretty/Oh you know that I'd do anything for you/We should have each other to tea/We should have each other with cream/Then curl up by the fire/and sleep for awhile/It's the grooviest thing/It's the perfect dream."

Just Like Heaven by The Cure - A perfect ode to lost love. Smith and Co. have a knack for lyrics that can break your heart.

Lovesong by The Cure - I know that saying Lovesong is your favorite Cure song is like saying Stairway is your favorite Zeppelin song, but I have been madly in love with this song since the first time I heard it years and years ago and I'll never get tired of it, except for 311's version. All copies of that need to be burned. This song was a wedding present from Robert Smith to his wife; it doesn't get much more romantic than that.

Sick

This story makes me fucking sick. A 17-year-old and a 19-year-old put poured paint on a puppy, taped his muzzle and paws, put him in an oven, and cooked him to death. Police said there were scratch marks on the inside of the oven of the community center at an apartment complex. In addition to killing the puppy, the boys broke into the community center, trashed it, and brought neighborhood kids to see the dog, telling them they would kill them if they told. They were charged with burglary, criminal damage to property, terroristic threats and cruelty to children and sentenced to 10 years, which means they'll probably be out in 3. There's a poll on that page asking if the sentence was too harsh, too lenient or just right. I think they should do the same thing to those boys that they did to the puppy. Children who commit cruelty to animals can probably be rehabilitated but these kids are essentially adults.

Another person who should receive a sentence of having the same thing done to him that he did to his victim is the 23-year-old father from Pittsburgh who was angry that his daughter wouldn't go to bed so he knocked her unconscious, took her outside wearing only a sweater and a diaper, and left her there. His daughter was just about to turn two. He hasn't been tried yet, but he was arrested on charges of criminal homicide, kidnapping, false reports (he called the police the next day to report his daughter missing) and simple assault. It doesn't say this in the story in the link, but in our paper it said that he cleaned up the blood with a towel (a Steelers "Terrible Towel" to be exact) and took the time to put the towel away in the basement because "that's where it belongs."

On a lighter note, here's what Anthony Bourdain had to say about Sandra Lee:

"Pure evil. This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time. She Must Be Stopped. Her death-dealing can-opening ways will cut a swath of destruction through the world if not contained. I would likely be arrested if I suggested on television that any children watching should promptly go to a wooded area with a gun and harm themselves. What’s the difference between that and Sandra suggesting we fill our mouths with Ritz Crackers, jam a can of Cheez Wiz in after and press hard? None that I can see."

Fucking Winter

Oh my fucking god. I've always hated winter. The cold, the wind, the inconvenience of the snow, the fact that PennDot sucks ass at clearing the roads, the filthiness of my car that isn't worth washing because it'll just get filthy in 3 hours, the ice that makes it hazardous to walk in a normal fashion, the static electricity, the way my skin gets so dry and itchy that it wakes me up at night and keeps me up scratching and not even Gold Bond extra strength AND Eucerin will make it go away, the fact that the grocery stores are always out of bread, milk, and toilet paper whenever they're forecasting the slightest dusting of snow... But now I have a new reason--the worst reason of all. Our fucking pipes froze!

I woke up this morning, used the facilities, and started washing my hands. All of a sudden, the water stops running. Luckily everything in the toilet went down ok, but here I am in the bathroom with soapy hands and no water. Fuck!! I try the shower--nothing. Fuck!! I go downstairs and try the kitchen sink. I get a slight trickle; enough to rinse my hands. I call my neighbors to ask about their water and I hear a gush of water as she checks her faucet. Fuck!! I go outside to see if the spigot is working and the damn thing won't even budge. Fuck!! I'm dirty and stinky and my legs are hairy! I was going to be a nice girlfriend and make pancakes for breakfast! I have two loads of laundry to do! I was going to make chicken pie for dinner next week! I'm having gastro-intestinal issues from the pizza I ate last night and will require the ability to flush the toilet (I know, TMI!)! FUUUUUUUCK!!!!!

*Update* YAY! My dad and I went at the pipe with my hair dryer and the water's working! Crisis averted. But still--fuck you, winter!

Fattening Lard Bake

A new recipe is up at Fattening Lard Bake.

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PEOPLE FROM MARYLAND DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE (No offense, Funky. I'm sure you don't drive like a dumbass.)!!!! They're spreading up here like a bad rash. I've come to terms with dealing with their idiocy while driving around York but I'm not ready to have them on my way up to Harrisburg. This morning I'm driving along going about 80 (yes, it's speeding, but I was going along with traffic) in the passing lane when this bitch decides that she NEEDS to be in my lane. So she pulls right in front of me without signaling, of course. I guess crappy, rusted out teal Honda Civics from the 80s don't have turn signals. I'm an asshole when I drive, so I didn't brake, I just rode her ass. Then, for no apparent reason, she slams on her brakes causing me to slam mine so hard that my anti-lock brakes came on. Thank god no one rear-ended me. I thought she was messing with me for riding her ass, but no, she randomly decided she needed to get back in the right lane. Then when I went past her she got back behind me, so I thought she was going to ride my ass for riding hers, but no, she proceeded to drive about 65 in the passing lane, causing backlogs behind her. I continued to watch her weave in and out of lanes in front of people till I got off and took back roads while her bitch ass was stuck in lovely I-83 morning backlogs.

Guess what, Marylanders? When you move up here into your McMansion neighborhoods that are 95% people from Maryland, you force the school districts to build new schools, raising taxes; you force the townships to change the roads to accommodate the additional traffic, raising taxes; and you screw up the housing market, driving the prices through the roof. Doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose of moving up here for cheaper living? Also, 83 in Pennsylvania is only two lanes each direction. That means that when you're in the left lane you drive with traffic, which is usually going ABOVE the speed limit, except for when there is an 18-wheeler inexplicably in the left lane going 45 up a huge hill, but that's a rant for another time. You don't putter along at 5 miles under. On 83 in Maryland, which has 2 billion lanes, the people who aren't idiots can get around you. In PA they can't. Drive fast or stay to the right, bitches.

I should've submitted her to this site.

TV Musings

If it weren't for being a completist, I would have no interest whatsoever in buying season 3 of The Office. I've been so unimpressed. Pam and Jim are pissing me off--their passive aggressive games are going too far. Jim's being a prick for leading Karen on, Pam is being a bitch for asking Ryan to set her up right in front of Jim, and Karen is being a doormat for staying with Jim after he told her he has feelings for someone else.

There were a bunch of things that make me thing the writers never watched the show before. Dwight's 99% sure that wasn't the real Ben Franklin? Dwight's not stupid, writers. Roy not wanting to watch the stripper? Completely out of character. Pam's talk to Jim about the importance of sleep was strange. I know it was supposed to be awkward but it was off somehow. Why was Packer there?

On to ER. If Ames shot himself in the head why were two shots fired? Did he miss the first time? WTF? That vice thing was so Saw-esque (side note: I got Saw III from Netflix yesterday--yay!). I can't imagine doing that. And why the hell didn't Luka try to get the gun from Gates?! Luka is a strong, healthy, strapping Croatian man and Ames has one arm in a sling and had a stroke.

I hate Sam's son so much. They could have killed him for all I care. I feel so bad for the poor old guy who was burned! The girl who plays Sarah is pretty good though. I'm ready for that whole storyline to be over too. I'm want some happy things to happen in the ER.

That's all for now; work just got insanely busy!