Quick, Pretend to Be Beanbag Chairs!
Last night as I was doing dishes, the doorbell rang. Usually when our doorbell rings, it's neighbor A coming over to bitch about neighbor B, neighbor C asking me to get their mail while they're on vacation, or a random transient who thinks our house is the church rectory. I opened the door to a nicely-dressed man and a woman. My first thought was, "Fucking a'." My second thought was of the Far Side comic with the blobs who say, "Jehova's Witnesses! Quick, pretend to be beanbag chairs!" and I almost laughed out loud. The woman said something about how the meek will inherit the earth and asked me if I thought the earth they would inherit would be the way the earth is today. I thought to myself, "Whatever you do, don't say you're not religious!" I said, "Umm, we're not really religious." D'oh! Then the woman read me a passage from the Bible about how if you're building a house, you shouldn't do if half-assed, or something like that. She gave me two magazines and one was about why blood is important. I know that blood is important because it carries oxygen to parts of your body, but I have a feeling this magazine isn't about science.
I'm such a pushover. I'd have no problem telling these people that I'm adamately opposed to pushing one's religion on others and that's a part of the reason why I left Christianity in the first place if they were assholes, but they're so nice! This is my second run-in with Jehova's Witnesses. My first happened when I was a teenager and I was mowing my neighbor's lawn while she was on vacation. I was walking along with my Walkman turned up full blast (hmmm, do you think that's why I now can't hear worth shit?) and I came to the end of the yard, turned around, and saw 3 men standing there. They scared the bejesus out of me. They tried to talk to me about god while I was in the middle of mowing. When I told them I didn't live there and the lady wasn't home they gave me magazines to give to her which promptly went in the trash. It was a little easier to be an asshole to these guys because they were pushy and pushiness pisses me off.
The nice woman asked me if she could come back to discuss the magazines with me. I told her I work and she said she'd come back in the evening sometime. Greeeeat. I guess I won't be answering my door anymore.