Friday, October 14, 2005

10 Things I Loathe

I have a raging case of PMS right now, and people are pissing me off, so I thought I'd make a shit list.

1. Tom Cruise: I have never liked him as a person or an actor, and I'm so tired of hearing about $cientology. The whole Katie Holmes thing creeps me the hell out, and I hope for her sake that the Kool-Aid wears off and she gets out of there. The fact that she can't make noise or have drugs during childbirth is screwed up. I heard they actually had to stop John Travolta's wife's childbirth to wait till she calmed down. I'm no OB/GYN, but that doesn't sound like it would be good for the baby.
2. Oprah: I'm almost scared to bust on Oprah, because her fans are scary. I hate how she gets her fans to boycott certain products (beef, Hermes). I hate that she's able to do this because her hardcore fans are sheep and have no minds of their own. My grandma loves Oprah and Dr. Phil (I'll get to him in a second) and even rearranged pictures on her wall because of a show Oprah did. I have no problem with getting ideas from a show or boycotting a product because of a conviction you have (because I've done that with Wal-Mart), but it's almost creepy the way Oprah's fans are. I also hate her damn fight with weight loss. Wow, it's so incredible that you were able to lose weight while having a personal trainer and a chef. I'm sure your legions of fans can afford to do the same. Well, actually they probably can because they're all housewives whose husbands can afford to have their wives sitting at home wearing dresses and pearls while watching Oprah (and no, I'm not busting on housewives because my mom was one, but she most certainly didn't sit at home and watch TV all day).
3. Dr. Phil: Hypocrite. He has diet books. He's not obese, he sure as hell ain't skinny. I've heard that he beats his wife. He says to a man who looks at pornography, "That's someone's daughter you're looking at!" Wait, Dr. Phil. Who is your son (who is a massive tool) marrying? A Playboy centerfold? Ok, then. To a woman whose husband has cheated on her, "Give him another chance." To a man whose wife has cheated on him, "Kick her ass to the curb."
4. Wal-Mart: I haven't been in a Wal-Mart for around a year, but my blood pressure would go up 100 points everytime I set foot in one because of how overcrowded it is, how tiny the aisles are, and how stupid the people there are. These people were probably the inspiration for Cletus and Brandine on The Simpsons. I hate what Wal-Mart does to smaller companies. There is a local pickle company here who has huge jars of pickles for sale at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart lowered the price on the jar so much that the company actually loses money when they sell a jar, but Wal-Mart won't raise the price. We also know about the way Wal-Mart treats its employees.
5. Dick's Sporting Goods: No particular reason; I just hate that store with the fire of 1,000 suns.
6. Sausage: To me, sausage is the most foul food on the planet. It's a bunch of random meat parts with some flecks of fat stuffed into a casing made of god knows what.
7. Science Fiction: I hate anything having to do with space or aliens.
8. Football: I think I'm one of the only people in the world who hates football. I also have a confession to make: I hate Penn State and am happy when they lose. This is mostly because my ex loved Penn State and had to watch the game every Saturday. Also, if you lived around here, you would understand. There is Penn State everything! A company even made Penn State blue mulch. People have huge blow-up Penn State football players in their front yards.
9. Emeril Legasse: Shut up, Emeril! His food looks awesome, but I hate him. I hate, "Bam!" I hate the Crest commercials. I hate his audience. A typical show: I'm going to add garlic *insane cheering* and onion *more insane cheering* and pepper *even more insane cheering* and a big pile of dog shit *more of the same*. Now, I love me some garlic, but it doesn't make me clap and cheer insanely when I add it to a dish.
10. 99.9% of the people on my morning commute: STOP GOING 55 IN THE PASSING LANE IN A 65 ZONE!!!!!!! Stop pulling right in front of me when there's no one behind me. Stop trying to cut in front of everyone and then slowing traffic up when you have to get back into the correct lane. Stop stopping in the middle of the street in the city during rush hour to let your passengers out! Stop rubbernecking and holding up traffic for miles! Arghhh!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I feel better. :-) Now it's off to get a much-needed haircut and then to Target to buy a bunch of not-much-needed stuff!


Blogger Kate said...

OK, I'm totally (TOTALLY) with you on each and every one of the things on your list, except sausage. Sausage is delicious and it may be a perfect food. You must give sausage another chance. But not the cheating boyfriend. He should be kicked to the curb, along with Dr. Phil, Oprah and Tom Cruise. :-)

10/14/2005 10:21 AM  
Blogger Jenny G said...

LOL I can eat sausage if it's buried in spaghetti sauce or something, but I can't eat it if I have to look at it.

10/14/2005 2:10 PM  

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