Saturday, December 10, 2005

Just No.


I was in the bathroom doing my business, and for a lack of anything better to read, I read the back of an Herbal Essences bottle that was sitting on the counter. I wish I hadn't. "Delight in a world of luscious exhilaration and unleash the power of your naturally beautiful hair. Bursting with a sumptuous, fresh fragrance, this vibrant, juicy shampoo, blended with 100% organic fruit extracts and essences of coconut and palm oils, will take your hair to a place it's never been before. Radiant, renewed and naturally flowing." (Italics and bolding not mine). WTF?! Seriously?!

Then I read the directions, which make me want to go to Proctor and Gamble to kick some ass. "Drench hair and invigorate it with the rich, luscious later. Excite your senses and enjoy the delicious fragrance. Rinse when ready."

You know, the J. Peterman catalog was meant to be satire, not inspiration.


Blogger Dim said...

This post is absolutely hysterical! Made even moreso because I am a Promotional Writer by trade and I have to write stuff like this, not for shampoo, but for medical software.

Do you know what a "robust reporting tool" is? Sounds dirty, huh? Well, our software features "robust reporting tools"! That's mine.

But even I think the shampoo one is a little too over the top.

- D.

12/10/2005 2:24 PM  
Blogger Rusty said...


For 2 reasons:
1. I can't even sit down for 4 seconds without needing something read in the bathroom. I've read many shampoo bottles in my time.

2. This post is hilarious. Who do Proctor and Gamble think they are? This is shampoo we're talking about, for the sake of the Lord!

The whole thing could have been shortened to: Smells good. Smells a lot. Makes hair look nice. To use - wet hair, lather shampoo on hair, rinse off.

They could have saved a whole lot of money by having me write the description and instructions.

12/10/2005 3:11 PM  
Blogger Jenny G said...

Dim: Robust reporting tools? You're one of them! :) Seriously though, that would be an awesome job.

MR: LOL But your description doesn't have that je ne sais quoi.

12/11/2005 6:40 PM  
Blogger defiant goddess said...

It's about time somebody called out the madness. LOL Good for you!

12/12/2005 9:48 AM  
Blogger katiedid said...

Eh, it's still better than my FLAMMABLE Toujours Moi shower gel. Seriously, the back of the bottle reads that "Warning: Flammable until dry," and then another warning not to use near heat. Great. Cause I'm totally not going to use a shower gel in a hot wet shower or anything.

12/15/2005 6:32 PM  
Blogger Vo said...

Jenny, that is so a beatdown for the person who wrote that. :-)


People who deserve a beatdown

12/16/2005 5:46 PM  
Blogger Jenny G said...


12/17/2005 8:12 AM  

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