Thursday, December 22, 2005

My Top 5 Secondary Simpsons Characters

5. Waylon Smithers
I know that homosexual innuendo isn't the most clever thing out there, but the exchanges between Smithers and Mr. Burns are the best. Smithers is pathetic, but he's just evil enough (at least he acts that way to keep Mr. Burns happy) that we keep from feeling completely sorry for him.

"I think women and seamen don't mix."

4. Moe Szyslak
Moe exemplifies the born loser. Who else would burn their bar down without purchasing insurance first? One of my favorite recent Moe-ments (rim shot!) was the Treehouse of Horrors episode where Moe was turns into a pacifier and says, "Well, it's still better than being Moe."

"I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. Not that fancy, store-bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that."

3. Groundskeeper Willie
Even though once she got her eyesight back, the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for Sherry Bobbins, but he's still my third favorite. Groundskeeper Willie is oft-abused, but he's able to hold his own if he needs to. Any man who would willingly eat haggis has to be tough.

"Ya used me, Skinner; ya used me!"

2. Seymour Skinner
I seem to have a trend of dejected characters. Skinner, or Harmon Tanzarian is pretty much the epitome of pathetic. I love when Superintendent Chalmers yells "Skinner!" I yell "Chrisser!" but I don't think Chris finds it amusing.

"Nibbles, chew through my ballsack."

1. Ned Flanders
Ned Flanders is a sexy, sexy man, and has some of the best quotes in the whole series. I will never again look at a Hummel figurine without hearing, "Bad company till the day I die."

"Unless they have a blowtorch or a poisonous gas injector, then I don't know what will happen when they come."


Blogger Dim said...

Very hard to argue with those, but I would have to make mine a top 10 list, just so I could add in Barney and the Wiggums. Cool read!

- D.

12/22/2005 9:43 AM  
Blogger Rusty said...

Bwahahaha! Love it, Jenny! I love those characters, too, but you have to include Ralph. "Everybody's hugging!" and "Daddy, I'm so scared I can't wet my pants." are the greatest. Of course, Chief Wiggums' "Now, now, son. Just calm'll come." response to the latter Ralph quote is also classic.

12/22/2005 5:09 PM  
Blogger J. said...

Considering the title of my blog, I'd also have to add Ralph. I also quarrel with the "hagdis" (disrespectin' the haggis) here--come New Years Eve yours truly will be enjoying that scottish delicacy as part of our hogmanay celebration.


12/22/2005 11:57 PM  
Blogger Jenny G said...

dim: It began as a top 10 list, but that would have included too many of the secondary characters, so I cut it down to 5. I was going by the characters the official site had bios for that weren't the Simspons family.

Rusty: My favorite Ralph quote is the title of J's blog: "It tastes like burning." Sorry that I didn't ch-ch-choose Ralph!

J: Haggis is sort of like hogmaw, which we eat here, which I also won't touch. I just can't eat stomach, sorry :).

12/23/2005 8:08 AM  
Blogger defiant goddess said...

I LOVE the Simpsons! I was giggling all through this.

12/23/2005 8:50 AM  
Blogger katiedid said...

I am reading this entry while my kids are looking over my shoulder. They named all the characters as I scrolled, but I swear to god, when we hit Principal Skinner, they both yelled out his name Chalmers style - "Skinner!" Poor Smithers - they both simply said, "Mr. Burns' helper." I guess he's not on their list of favorite secondary characters.

12/24/2005 3:52 PM  
Blogger Jenny G said...

Hee! That's cute :)

12/25/2005 7:45 AM  

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